Great Relationship Advice
For Couples With Anger Problems

What I will tell you is a great formula for making relationships work.

You will learn three steps to creating great relationships--and it is all in your capable hands.

You can have what your good heart wants!

What could that be? First, let me tell you that I've been counseling couples for over 30 years, and I've been in and out of all kinds of relationships throughout my 60 plus years of living. And this is what I've figured out from all of my life experience.

Are you ready? Here it is...

The most important relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.

What!?! What kind of relationship advice is that? The answer is easy.

Every relationship in your life is an extension of your relationship with yourself. That's because we (unconsciously) take whatever is going on in our own inner world and re-create it in our outer world. What we're talking about here is taking total responsibility and total freedom for the quality of relationships you are creating. Freedom and responsibility--you can't have one without the other.

Here are the steps to creating a great relationship with yourself:

• Get to know who you are. Write your life story. Review your personal history, and examine your relationships with your parents, siblings and other significant people.
• As you do this, look for recurring patterns in your relationships. You are totally responsible for those patterns--therefore you're free to change them.



• If you have experienced any kind of abuse, abandonment or neglect in your life (oh, and by the way, we all have...), then try these journaling processes and these imagery techniques to heal emotionally.
• A big part of this particular relationship advice has to do with learning to love yourself. Wherever you go, there you are...so why not learn to become a friend to yourself?

Did you know you are a good person deep inside? Regardless of what you've done or how you feel about yourself, your true nature is good. Even as you read this, something inside you knows that it's true.

And it's your relationship with that good person inside you that is your top priority!

Remember...this is your most important relationship advice!

Ask yourself these questions:

1. What kind of person do I want to be?
2. What will I look like and act like when I am actually being that person?
3. How will I feel when I am actually being the person I want and choose to be?

This is a powerful exercise that you can do daily, and it will help you to lay the groundwork for the perfect relationship for you.

This second piece of relationship advice is so very powerful. Picture in your mind the kind of relationship you want--whether you are in a relationship now, or wanting to get into a good relationship in the future.

Include these elements in your imagined future:

• Picture mutual respect. Without that, you can't really have anything else of lasting value.
• Imagine lots of warm, close, affectionate feelings between you and your partner. Include images and feelings of a healthy sexual relationship as well.



• Picture and imagine both of you having good friends, together and separately. This is one of the most important and frequently overlooked aspects of a healthy marriage relationship.
• See and feel you and your partner being supportive and cooperative with each other in all of your activities. Imagine the two of you making a great team, working together to create the life of your dreams.

Don't let your negative feelings and current picture of your relationship get in your way here!

The point we're making here is that you create your own relationships, so why not create the kind of relationship you want that matches with the good person you really are?

I'm glad you asked! All of the above relationship advice works no matter how bad your situation is! I realize you're most likely on this web site because of an anger problem of some kind--either yours or someone else's.

Here are some thoughts to consider:

• Good people (like you) can easily create bad relationships without meaning to.
• You are not a helpless victim of the abusive relationships you're in. This gets back to the responsibility and freedom we were talking about earlier.
• What is your negative image of the person you're with in your bad relationships and abusive relationships? Get a clear mental picture of the very worst aspects of your partner. Now, take full responsibility for that image, and start picturing your partner as the good person you want them to be. Caution: If you are a victim of abuse, this may not be the right choice for you at all! Read this page on abusive relationships and letting go of a relationship to make sure you're safe and that your relationship is worth saving.
• If you're the one with the anger problem, this imagery process will still work for you. You may be justifying your anger by continuing to see your partner in a very negative light, so begin changing that now!

If this relationship advice is really hard for you, or if it doesn't seem to fit your situation, don't worry about it. There are a lot of different approaches to dealing with bad relationships, and this is just one of them.

Return to bad relationships.