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Hurting My Wife's Feelings And I Want To Stop

by Erick
(California)

Most of the time when I get in an argument with my wife, I get really upset because I want her to know and understand I love her and whatever she said at the time (about me not being happy with her) is not true.

I try so hard to relay that message to her, but she is also upset and doesn't understand or want to hear me. That makes me more upset because I really want her to feel love and to believe me when I say I'm happy with her.


I get so angry that I raise my voice (sometimes I don't realize it) because at the time, I believe it would make my wife understand me. I'm hurting my family. She wants to divorce me because of my anger outbursts. I love my wife and kids and I don't want to get a divorce or be away from them. I want my wife to be happy like she's always been.

Please help me. I have been doing better by not continuing the argument but I need your help to improve myself and not lose my family. I don't like the way I feel after...my heart hurts, I'm shaky and feel bad for hurting the person I love. Please, any words of advice will help.





Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Erick, and thanks for telling your story here. I respect your willingness to take responsibility for your problem. I noticed you didn't blame anyone else in your story. That makes it much more likely that you will be successful in your efforts to manage your anger.

I suggest you read and follow all of the guidelines on this FAQ page. These are very effective tools, not easy to use, but you will definitely benefit if you do use them.

I think it's great that you want your wife to be happy. Getting emotionally healthy and happy yourself is an important step in that direction, and an essential one. Use the tools I've recommended, and I think it will help you heal and manage your anger, and become more consistently connected with the good man you truly are.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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Apr 29, 2016
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Some Steps You Can Take
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for your comments. Your situation is difficult, that's very clear. If your wife wants to save your marriage, you can take these steps and it may help you stay together:

1) Make up your mind to never ever say anything negative about her family again. That will only push your wife away. It's not that you're wrong, it's just that nobody wants to hear their family criticized, even if the criticism is accurate.

2) Ask your wife if she will go to a marriage counselor with you. Then, if she will, ask her if she will stop talking negatively to her parents about you to give the marriage counseling a chance to work. If you can't afford marriage counseling, get a copy of this wonderful book on saving your marriage and read it together. The third section has exercises that will help you to heal.

I know this may not be easy, but I assure you that your conflicts with your wife will continue until you take these steps.

I wish you all the best as you attempt to stop hurting your wife.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

Apr 28, 2016
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I Am Hurting My Wife And My In-laws Are Interfering
by: Anonymous

I don't know why I am hurting my life partner. When arguments start between us, we will blame each other and both of us don't want to accept our mistakes. The argument has reached up to divorce.

We have a kid whom I love the most. I don't want to lose both, but things are not getting solved. One of the hurdles in our relation is that I scold my in-laws during our quarrel, which she doesn't like, and it makes her get aggressive.




But my in-laws too don't stop poking their noses in our relation. They misguide her. During our last quarrel they told her to separate, as we won't stay happy together.

It is not only me who has been affected by this. Their elder son-in-law is facing the same problem.

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