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From The Past

by Tabitha
(Nairobi, Kenya)

I've been having a problem dating promiscuous guys, because since a tender age I've seen how my mum brought us through in deep pain and even today she still goes through the same problem.

How can go I through the problem in a positive attitude and still find a good man? How can I overcome the anger over my dad who refused to pay for my education.

How do I get a positive attitude towards people who like taking advantage of others.



Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Tabitha, and thanks for telling your story here. I suggest you take a look at these steps for letting go of your parents and getting free of any negative influence there:

1) Write down all of the ways in which you are like your mum. Look at that list and ask yourself if there's any of those qualities or behaviors you want to keep. In other words, choose what you like from the list, and we're going to help you let go of the part you don't like.

2) Then write down all of the ways you are different from your mum. These are the things that make you unique as an individual. Look at this list, and choose what you like from it.

3) Make a third list, that includes only those things you like from the above two lists.

Now repeat that entire process with your dad, and combine the two lists of the things you like and choose for yourself.

Next, picture both of your parents in front of you. Thank them both for all of the good things they've done for you, leaving nothing out. Then tell them both about the things you didn't like. Get it all out, and write it down--but picture their faces while you're writing. Now tell them, "I'm not your little girl any more. It is time for me to take charge of my life and make my own decisions."

I do not suggest you say these things directly to your parents. This is just for you. I realize you may still live at home under their authority, but you can begin the process of becoming independent emotionally and psychologically even now. And it would be good if you could get out on your own as soon as possible, and become financially independent.

To develop a positive attitude, use the journaling processes on this page, and that will help you.

You don't need to have a positive attitude towards people who like taking advantage of others. Just shift your focus to the good things in you and all of the people around you. And remember it's very important to keep your focus clear on what you want for yourself and your life.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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