Great Relationship That Went Downhill

by Katie
(USA)

Well, when I first met my guy, it was the greatest thing that had happened to me. He was my world. We could talk about anything. We could look at one another and smile. This lasted for about two years or so. Then I got pregnant and it seem to all go down the drain. We started to fight once in a while, and then it kept getting worse. We started to fight all the time. We couldnt even look at one another the same way. We couldn't smile at each other.

We couldn't even talk to each other. I started getting to the point where I blamed him for everything and yelled at him for the least little things. Now I'm working to get the help I need so I can get our family back to normal. It is going to take some time, though. I think the big problem I had was how everything changed when I got pregnant and that extra responsiblity I had, that I don't think I was ready for. I saw how my son's dad was to his other kids. I knew I would have to do it all my self, even though I was told I wouldn't have to. But that's how it all happened. I wouldn't trade anything in the world for my son. I just hope this will help me, so my family can be happy again.



Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Katie. It is great that you want your family to be happy. You don't like the fighting, because it doesn't match up with who you are or who you want to be. Being pregnant and having a child is a very big deal, as you know--and it changes things a lot. It is especially hard when you're having to do most of the work alone. But there are many things you can do to improve your situation. Here are a few suggestions:

1) Do something nice for yourself every day. Maybe a warm bath, or a nice walk outside, or a few minutes to read a book or watch a fun TV show. It needs to be something that is just for you, and it needs to make you feel good.

2) Read and practice these anger management techniques over and over until you see improvement in your communication with your husband.

3) Start a daily journal, and write (a) from your anger, and (b) what you appreciate about your husband. Focus on his positive aspects, and remind yourself of those every day. Otherwise, your mind will keep taking you back to the problems, and you will continue blaming him. Shift your focus to what is good, right and working about your marriage.

4) Subscribe to our Healing Anger Newsletter, and you will recieve the free Anger Management Techniques Ebook.

5) If you're willing to invest a little money in your healing process, consider buying one of these books or one of these CDs. Especially check out Expectations In Marriage, which helps you deal with anger and disappointment in marriage. You will see all of our products on this page.

Believe in yourself, set your mind to what you want, and never ever give up. You can do this.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore