The Silent Treatment From My Girlfriend
Well we have been together for four years. She is 19 and I'm 20. We have a 3 month old daughter.
This all started I would say about 2 and half months before our daughter was born and it was like her attitude just went south over night. I thought okay maybe because she's pregnant.
Well then she started getting aggravated over simple little things like what I cooked for dinner or what I was wearing, like to the point she would yell and get pissed off then when I asked why she was even mad, she would quit talking or would say get away from me, I don't want to talk to you.
And of course that just made me angry and according to this web site I have serious anger issues so my temper would go through the roof. But then like the month before our daughter was born up to about two months old we were fine. We moved in to our own place. I traded in my truck for a four door car and things were going good.
Then out of the blue it's back to the same way, to the point we were about 20 miles away from our house driving home when she started again. So I told her to pull over and I'll walk home. She didn't let me out, so when we came to the red light I got out and started walking.
She came by and said, whatever--if this is what you want then that's fine, I'll go home and get my stuff and go to my mom's house. So when I get there her mom and her were there and she said okay well I'm leaving and I said okay why and she said well you got out of the car and walked home.
I said ok so that's why y'our leaving? Yep. I said I wouldn't have got out if you would just talk to me and try to work our problems out and then she walked out and slammed the door. I didn't talk to her the rest of the night and half the next day.
She asked if I wanted to see our daughter and of course I said yes. We talked and I told her to tell me what she thought needed to change and she said the way I act when I get mad like when I yell and throw stuff and punch walls and get in her face.
So then I told her what I thought needed to change, like the whole getting mad over little things and the not talking about our problems and her yelling and acting like she's better than me.
But I've been reading some of the stuff on this web site and been trying to put it to use. But it's starting again.
She got a new phone and put a password on it. When I picked it up, it asked for the password and she said no so I said okay whatever not that big of a deal. I've got the same phone so I'll just get on mine. But I put a password on mine and she went to get on mine today and couldn't so she gets pissed off and starts yelling about what are you trying to hide? I said nothing, I just put one on there like you did and she was like so what you're not going to tell me?
I said no so then I asked why she was even mad she had just done the same thing to me yesterday and now she's pissed that I done it to her and she quits talking again so as usual my temper got worse and worse till I'm about to the point of exploding.
And she's like your never going to change and I'm like I'm trying to, I'm trying to learn how to control my anger and she's like yea, whatever. You have only been to that website two days and you haven't changed yet. I've tried to explain that it's not going to change over night.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I'm glad you're getting some benefit from this site. That's what it's here for. If you haven't already, I strongly encourage you to do the exercises on this FAQ page. These are deep and thorough tools, and if you use them you will get a lot of benefit.
That may not be enough, though, that's for you to decide. If you feel you need more help, then take one of these online anger management classes.
This is important, James. I think you know that your marriage and your family depend on you learning to manage your anger. I understand that your wife has her own issues, but when you manage your anger better, I think you'll be able to work things out with her. If she has serious issues of her own, I hope she'll get help also.
Believe in yourself, James. Trust your inner goodness, and build on that as you take these steps toward becoming the man you really want to be.
My very best to you,
P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission.