How To Deal With
Abusive Relationships

New Girlfriend From Abusive Relationship 
I have a girlfriend that recently left a very abusive husband. She was married over a decade. She was abused in every way. We have been very happy in every ...

Is This Emotional Abuse? 
We have been together for a year, living together for the last month and a half. Since the first week he has been so angry. He comes home from work and ...

Feel Confused, Selfish And Unhappy And I Don't Know What To Do 
Hi. I am basically looking for some guidance. My situation's pretty messed up right now and I don't know what to do. I will try and make this as short ...

Marriage That Is Hurtful  
I fell for a woman, agreed to get married, engaged her last year September. Seeing that I paid lobola, to cut the expenses of staying in different flats,...

I Think I'm Just Over It 
I'm in an abusive relationship with the mother of my child. Verbally and physically. It's been going on for 3 yrs. She's a really good mom. She's the ...

Can't Handle Reality And Everything is Everyone Else's Fault 
A person with extreme anger is often set off by the smallest thing. My boyfriend expriences fits of rage over everything. If the light at an intersection ...

Married Two Years And Separated 
My husband and I got married over 2 years ago. The entire marriage has transformed into an employer to employee relationship and a parent to child relationship ...

My Husband Cannot Control His Anger 
I married a man who has amazing qualities and anger was not one of them! He is smart, fun, and very successful with work. People always comment on how ...

I Turned The Heat On 
My husband woke up this morning, before the alarm clock went off, and went into the other room and turned off the heater. It's the beginning of springtime,...

Emotionally Abusive Husband With Frequent Explosive Angry Outbursts 
My husband has incredibly scary anger outbursts. Seemingly small things that I say or do can result in these angry outbursts. He treats me like a small ...

Getting Married To Someone With Anger Issues 
Nine months ago I met an amazing man. We met through mutual friends and it was an instant connection. And here we are nine months later and he recently ...

Breaking It Off 
Well, this isn't for me, but I think my friend is too scared to even think about this. First thing I'm going to say is that I love the girl that I'm trying ...

Afraid Of What Will Happen 
I think that I may have an anger problem. I tend to get irritated very easily, and it almost seems that if things do not go the way I think they should ...

Is This Healthy? 
I don't know if I'm doing the right thing by writing this on here, but I really need the help. And maybe with your advice and to know that I may not be ...

Will He Ever Change? 
My partner and I have been seeing each other on and off for over 2 years. When I first met him I fell for all these GREAT qualities he portrayed, but as ...

My Anger Is A Ruin In My Life  
I am a 30 year old female, married with a son who is 6 years old. I've been suffering with the problem of anger for the past 7 years. I'm basically a loving ...

Very Much Angry 
I can't afford a therapist so I thought I'd give this a try. I am an angry violent person and I can very well admit it. I can even tell you what bugs me ...

My Wife Is Always Angry 
I'm a married man (five years ago), and I have a son. The problem I face always is that my wife exploits me. She knows that I love her very much, and I ...

My Girlfriend Keeps Anger Emotions For Years, Abuses Me Emotionally, And I Can Be Explosive  Not rated yet
Sorry for my English, I'm French.

My girlfriend and I broke up a month ago, after a fight. She is 27, I am 37.
We had been together for 15 months. So ...

My Husband Is Emotionally Abusing Me And Controlling All Of The Money  Not rated yet
Dear Dr. DeFoore. My husband has physically abused me about a year ago. I have pictures of bruises and my children were witnesses to the violence.

I ...

Abusive Lady  Not rated yet
So, here it goes. I'm pretty ashamed of myself in many ways. I grew up in a rather critical home as a kid. My mother would make comments about me watching ...

My Husband Has Abused Me And My Children And I Am So Confused   Not rated yet
Dear Dr DeFoore,

I have been married 9 years but we have known each other 13 years. For 2 years before we got married my husband physically abused me ...

Is It Me?  Not rated yet
I am not married. I have been with my boyfriend 8yrs been living with him now 4yrs. I have a 9yr old daughter and our 4yr old son. I work full time 8+ hrs ...

I Want To Stop Allowing My Anger To Cause Verbal Abuse To My Partner  Not rated yet
Hello Dr. DeFoore,

Thank you for taking the time to read my scenario. I am a 34 yr old gay male and met the love of my life, a 30 yr old artist, two ...

Boyfriend's Adult Son Smoking Pot In Our Home And Becoming Violent Toward Me  Not rated yet
I have been living with my boyfriend and his 23 year old son for the past year and a half and we have plans on getting married. My boyfriend has been divorced ...

I Am So Confused About Whether I Have An Anger Problem  Not rated yet
I am 22yrs old, and I think I have an anger problem. My anger is completely ruining my life. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7yrs. We argue, and ...

He Claims He's Christian, But A Tape Recorder In Our Home Would Show Different  Not rated yet
Hi - My name is Victoria and I've known for quite a while that I've been in a verbally abusive marriage. We've been married for 20 years now and my husband ...

Walking On Eggshells Around My Husband's Fits Of Rage  Not rated yet
This is about my husband's anger. He is the most loving and caring person I know. I know he loves me and our 2 children, however, there is the other side ...

Intermittent Angry Husband  Not rated yet
My husband is generally a good man. He is 44 and we have been together 19 years and through this time he has had to have anger management counseling after ...

Passive Aggressive Me  Not rated yet
My fiancee and I are at a crossroads. He has had it with my behavior and treatment of him, and most recently, our child. I am passive aggressive. I have ...

My 30 Year Old Son Lashes Out In Anger  Not rated yet
My son was living on his own since he was 18. Had a girlfriend for a few years with an engagement but it did not work out. I know they yelled a lot when ...

Should I Give Him A Third Chance?  Not rated yet
My husband and I have been married for 6 years, I always knew that he had a very bad temper and it got worse over time. I did not realize he was verbally ...

I'm Too In Love To Leave   Not rated yet
I've been with my boyfriend 18 months. He is 9 years older than me and has an 18 year old son who he works with. If anything goes wrong then he either ...

This Is All But Love  Not rated yet
I'm a 30 year old woman, married, with a child of 3 years old. I'm college educated, always been a straight A student. I'm a used-to-be self confident ...

I Don't Know What's What Anymore  Not rated yet
I've been with my husband for 7 years, married for five. We have 2 sweet young boys. I had a lot of trouble having them. I had 7 miscarriages before I ...

I Don't Know How To Fix Things  Not rated yet
I have been with my boyfriend for two years, and I love him more than anything. Like every couple we have had our ups and downs, and we have had some real ...

Husband Flies Into A Rage Over Minor Things, Escalating Violence To Property And Pets  Not rated yet
I have been with my husband for ten years, married for six, and have two beautiful young daughters (pre-school age). My husband has been controlling and ...

Why Do I Find It So Hard To Have Faith In Myself That I Can Live Without The Abusive Person?   Not rated yet
I have lived in an abusive marriage for 11 years. The abuse was both physical and verbal. I have 3 children aged 10, 8 and 3 years and yes they have seen ...

He's Trying To Get Rid Of My Dog  Not rated yet
We've been together almost a year, and just over a month ago we moved in together and that's pretty much when the trouble started. He behaves badly toward ...

Would You Please Tell Me What I Should Have Done In These Situations?   Not rated yet
In a rage my husband stopped our vehicle on the Interstate and got out and walked in the ditch for about 8 miles...he walked from the Interstate onto country ...

Possessive And Controlling  Not rated yet
I have been in a relationship with a younger man for the last year. I relocated interstate to be with him recently. Ever since we have moved in together,...

My Adult Son The Verbal Abuser AndThe Basher  Not rated yet
My son is now 29 years old. He is handsome, charming, and almost everyone adores him. They would think, in my telling the following, that I am completely ...

My Husband Is A Great Person But Gets Defensive  Not rated yet
I've been with my husband for 26 years. Everyone who knows my husband loves and respects him including me. With me he is extremely protective of anything ...

An Angry Minister  Not rated yet
My husband and I have been married for 9 years and we have 2 children and a 8yr old girl and 4yr old boy. My husband can go from 0-10 in seconds and sometimes ...

Verbally Abusive And Feel Out Of Control  Not rated yet
I feel like I have no control of my anger when someone says something I don't like. For example, my ex said that I have not changed and I get spiteful....

My Husband And I Have Abused Each Other  Not rated yet
I am at a crossroads, and desperate for guidance. I have been married for 10 years, with 2 kids with my husband. Things have never been perfect, but this ...

I Get Really Angry At My Husband And Tell Him I Hate Him And I Attack Him Emotionally And Physically   Not rated yet
My husband and I have been together for 15 years and although we have our issues I know we are meant to be each others soul mates. We have two young boys,...

Abusive Or Just Having A Tough Time?   Not rated yet
I've been in a relationship now for 4 years and my boyfriend and I decided to get engaged about 3 months ago. He's always had tiny outbursts of anger, usually ...

In Trouble Within Weeks Of Getting Married  Not rated yet
I am a 44 yr old single female. I entered into my 3rd marriage in June of 08, after being single for 11 yrs and being a single mom of two wonderful children....

My Anger Toward My Cheating, Drug Addict Husband Is Out Of Control  Not rated yet
Please help me. I go from extreme depression to anxiety, to rage in dealing with my husband who is a crack addict, steals from me, stole my car, and now ...

Bliss And Eggshells  Not rated yet
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months. When we met, he pursued me and was such a gentleman. I had never experienced that kind of courtship in my life....

Anger Management In My Household  Not rated yet
I live with my boyfriend and our 2 dogs. We have a pretty good life. We love each other very much. I think when we are good in our relationship we are ...

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?  Not rated yet
I have no idea what to do here. I met my husband about 4 years ago - and it was a fairy tale. He saved my life by getting me out of a horrible life and ...

I Am The Iguana  Not rated yet
I have thousands of journal pages documenting my life in the last four years. I have always kept journals in life, for both pain and joy, yet I do not ...

My Partner And Me  Not rated yet
I have been with my boyfriend now for nearly six years. I love him with all my heart but there has been a few occasions where he's just lost it.

***z-...

Abused And Angry For Sixty Years  Not rated yet
I grew up on an incredibly beautiful farm in Virginia. My dad played with my older brother and I when we were very young. Took us to an amusement park....

Very Distressed Over My Husband's Violent Rage  Not rated yet
Dr DeFoore, I am a very distressed wife, mother of 3 children. My husband of a short period (1 year), for last 3 months has started showing violent rage ...

No One Else Knows About My Husband's Anger  Not rated yet
My husband's behavior has gotten so uncontrollable towards me I now recognize I am void of any feelings. He rages, yells, swears, insults me and rationalizes ...

I'm Tired Of My Boyfriend's Angry Outburts And Verbal Abuses  Not rated yet
I'm 23 years old and the story I'm going to tell is very shocking. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the last 4 years. In the beginning ...

Boyfriend's Cussing!  Not rated yet
Boyfriend fusses and cusses and blames it on me that I have now made him mad!

What do I do? He does have high blood pressure and will not get treated ...

Why Do I Still Feel Paralyzed And Afraid To Leave?  Not rated yet
Hi, I have been married to very abusive man with major anger/rage issues for the last ten years. He has destroyed any trust I had and I no longer feel ...

Absolute Destruction  Not rated yet
I get angered quite often. And, when I get angry there is no turning back or flipping a switch to stop being angry. I start yelling, throwing things, and ...

Sexual Abuse  Not rated yet
My husband has a sick sexual side. He enjoys causing me pain, and asks me all the time to "play the victim."

This has been going on for years. In ...

Trying To Leave My Husband After 15 Years  Not rated yet
I've been married for 15 years, we have a 14 year old son.

Before we were married, he questioned me extensively about my past relationships. he did ...

Living With Abusive Family Member  Not rated yet
My mother comes from a very religious family where the men are highly favored, and the women are treated like servants and usually not regarded well at ...

Love Of My Life Has Left Due To My Irratonal Outbursts  Not rated yet
My girlfriend of three years has recently left me. This was the girl that I planned to spend the rest of my life with. Everything within our relationship ...

Please Help...I Hit My Husband  Not rated yet
It is so horrible to look at myself and realize I have become an abuser, especially of somebody I love.

I am 30 years old, have 3 kids, 4 step kids ...

Her Arrogance And Pride, My Temper  Not rated yet
I used to date (and just got dumped by) this young, beautiful and intelligent girl. We were together for the past few years. She comes from an upper class ...

Every Day I Feel Like Crying  Not rated yet
Well it's been 3 years and me and my girlfriend have been together, well sorta on and off. I love this girl even to die for her, but I'm still just a rebound....

Don't Talk To Me!  Not rated yet
My spouse is verbally abusive and can not stand for me to respond to the abuse. He must have the first and the last word in any disagreement which leaves ...

My 19 Year Old Boyfriend's Anger Problems  Not rated yet
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years already. He has drunk and done drugs and lied to me behind my back several times. He had a marijuana ...

What Do I Do When I Can't Let Go And Don't Want To Be Alone  Not rated yet
I'd really like some help please. There's my ex, we started dating in 2008, we were together for a year and a half. But within that year and a half he ...

I Am Verbally Abusive  Not rated yet
I have been in a relationship with a woman for 3 years. We are very polar, though - things are either truly, truly wonderful, or awful.

I have started ...

I'm Unhappy In My Relationship With My Partner  Not rated yet
My partner and I have been together for 4 years, we met at work. He works very closely with his ex girlfriend who hates me and has made my life very difficult....

I Was In An Abusive Relationship For Seven Years  Not rated yet
I am twenty five, and I was in an abusive relationship for seven years with my son's father. In June it'll be two years since I have been out of that relationship....

Things Started Off Great And Then She Changed Into Another Person  Not rated yet
I've been in a relationship for just about a year. Things started off great. It was a loving, caring relationship. I was going through a difficult time,...

It Happened To Me Too  Not rated yet
I dated my ex for 2 years and we had a child. He was good to me in a lot of ways, but we started to fight a lot and I broke up with him after he had threatened ...

What Went Wrong  Not rated yet
I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years, and lived together for a year now. I lived in Chicago before, and moved to Florida to be with my boyfriend....

My Depressed Husband Take His Anger Out On Me  Not rated yet
My husband is depressed and takes his anger out on me. We both work. I have moved out to a friend's but feel unsure and have low confidence- which makes ...

Stuck In A Cycle Of Negativity and Stress  Not rated yet
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 and 1/2 years. We have been friends for over 7 years. I admit when we first started dating I was ...

My Boyfriend And His Son  Not rated yet
My boyfriend is a very angry person. He holds on to every thing any one has ever done to him. He is very angry towards his son. His son is 14 years old ...

Grown Abusive Son Needs To Leave  Not rated yet
My wife and I live in Georgia. I have a 38 year old adult step son (my wife's) who has done drugs since he was about 15 and for years, pretty much lived ...

Dealing With A Verbal Abuser  Not rated yet
My boyfriend is generally very caring and considerate and I have been happy with him, but lately Ive realized that there are some things he says that really ...

I Have To Stay With My Abusive Boyfriend Because I Don't Have Anywhere Else To Go  Not rated yet
I had been good friends with my boyfriend for seven years before we even got together. I had thought he was wonderful person. He was always so caring, sweet,...

How Should I Deal With This?  Not rated yet
My brother has real anger management issues. I don't particularly blame him as he is only repeating behaviour he learned from our father. Our dad seemed ...

I Feel Like The Worst Husband   Not rated yet
My wife and I have almost been married for a year and we both love each other very much. She gets worked up over the smallest things and I feel she takes ...

I Don't Know Who I Am Any More  Not rated yet
I have been married for 8 years, and we have an 8 year old daughter, (yup, she was early, I fell pregnant in my Matric year). I was so in love with my ...

I'm In A Controlling Abusive Relationship And Feeling Totally Hopeless  Not rated yet
I'm 19 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. He is 20, and we've been living together for about 10 months.

At first he ...

Too Many Outbursts  Not rated yet
Dear Dr. DeFoore:

I have been married for 5 years and my husband has extreme anger outbursts. My husband claims that all his anger is caused by my 21 ...

How Can I Cope With All Of The Anger?  Not rated yet
My boyfriend and I have been living together for three years, and things were going all right for the first year. He did get irrationally angry, but because ...

Why I Hit My Husband  Not rated yet
My husband is a pilot. He cheated on me so many times.

We had an arranged marriage 23 years ago. I found a lot of things. 14 years ago, the kids were ...

How Do I Let Go Of The Past?  Not rated yet
I can't seem to get over things that have happened in the past! Here is my problem. I cheated on my (husband at the time) with my current husband.

Well,...

He's Changed, Not For The Better  Not rated yet
I have been with my partner for 5 years. He has angry outbursts. They are becoming more and more frequent.

Our wedding is 4months away. I don't want ...

Raging Boyfriend  Not rated yet
Hello, my name is Catie. I am 20 years old and I have been with my boyfriend Eddie for 3 years. For about the first year we were very happy, until I started ...

Here I Am Again!  Not rated yet
My childhood was hard. I was a victim of sexual incest before the age of five, and spent most of my childhood acting out. I had been raped at least 5 times ...

How To Deal With The Ending Of An Abusive Relationship  Not rated yet
A guy and I have beeen considered best friends for 15 yrs. Recently we spent more time together rather then just talking on the phone and seeing each other ...

Monster  Not rated yet
When in a relationship I become very angry and abusive. Everything goes too far. I never have patience. It has ruined my whole life.

Response from ...

Need Immediate Help Please  Not rated yet
My fiance and I have been together for 4 years and have a 7 month old daughter. He has always been one to lie. He always did the things he wanted to ...

Living With An Adult Abusive Son  Not rated yet
I have an almost 21 year old, who is always angry. Most days he is very verbally abusive to both myself and also his twin sister.

He does not want to ...

Husband Who Needs Help  Not rated yet
I have a husband who has an anger problem. He is aware of it and insists on fixing it himself. I have tried to help as well.

I am really not sure what ...

In Abusive Relationship For 9 Years  Not rated yet
Hi Dr. My name is Catherine, I have been married for 11 years now. My first 2 years of marriage were good ones. Since I got pregnant with my second born ...

I Can't Do Anything Right!  Not rated yet
I have been with my boyfriend now for 3 years and just like everybody says it was great in the beginning. But now it just seems I can't do anything right....

I Am Not Stupid  Not rated yet
I have been in a relationship for 13 years. I brought one little child into the relationship and together we have had 2 more children. That is the hard ...

My Fiance Has An Anger Issue And It's Getting Worse  Not rated yet
My fiance and I have been together for 8 years. We have been through almost everything imaginable. He has always had a temper. He gets mad easily. Lately ...

Getting So Mad And Angry That I Hit Things And Hurt The Ones Around Me Emotionaly  Not rated yet
My wife and I have been married for 10 months now. I own my own business and I love it. I get mad at her for the smallest things and I take it out on ...

I Need My Loved One Back In My Life Who I Lost Because Of My Anger  Not rated yet
I have a big problem with my anger. My girlfriend does not listen to me when I'm pissed off and that drives me crazy. It's like she doesn't take me seriously....

Custody Battles With Ex Just Never End  Not rated yet
I got involved with, had a child with, married then divorced a man who belittled me and made me feel like I was crazy most of the time. I was far from ...

I Chased The Man I Love Away  Not rated yet
Dan and I were together for one year. We had a lot of ups and downs, and this was our second major break up. When we met, we were both working, but I ...

I Was Abused As A Child And Now I'm Emotionally Abusive In My Marriage  Not rated yet
Dr. DeFoore, I was emotionally and physically abused by 4 older brothers for over 14 years while growing up.

I used my anger and resentment toward ...

Messing Everything Up  Not rated yet
I've been with this chick for the past 7 months, things have been more good, really awesome. But when it's bad it's bad.

I've gotten more out of this ...

A Lotus In A Dirty Pond  Not rated yet
I didn't know yet, under what circumstances did the jerk marry me, but I married him for good looks. (Yeah, I was shallow once upon a time). I just thought ...

I Am Becoming Too Damaged  Not rated yet
I have been living with my girlfriend for 7 months, I changed countries and moved in.

I am not allowed to work, drive or even have a driver's license....

Married To A Paranoid Narcissist  Not rated yet
Married for 47 years with 3 children, 6 grandchildren, I find I cannot bear my husband's behaviour any longer. He does not want me to leave him, or buy ...

31 Year Old Woman Just Wanting Her Dad's Approval  Not rated yet
Hi, I am 31 years old, with a lot of issues that I do not take lightly. Now, it's Father's day and I am home tearful since Friday. "Why?", you ask.

Well,...

Denial Of Sexual Abuse  Not rated yet
When I was 3 years old I was sexually abused by my father. As I progressed in age I was sexually abused by my brother. I came from an alcoholic family....

Lost And Confused  Not rated yet
I have been in a relationship with my husband for 2 years now. I had a previous relationship with him 23 years ago but things did not work out because ...

Frustrated Husband  Not rated yet
I have been an angry person for a long time. It comes out when I don't feel appreciated, or when I feel neglected or taken advantaged of. My wife and ...

Similar To Rachel's Dilemma  Not rated yet
Hi. I understand somewhat of what Rachel is going through . My parents and me are going through the same thing, except in a less severe form of abuse....

Eight Years Of Anger And Abuse  Not rated yet
Dear Dr DeFoore

I have been with my husband for eight years and we have two very young children.

My husband seemed pretty nice when I first met him,...

I'm Scared But Unwilling To Leave  Not rated yet
There are some facts you should know first:

I'm 17 and he's 25. We've been dating under two weeks. It's a long-distance relationship. He's not a virgin,...

I Can't Leave Him  Not rated yet
I met him and it was love at first sight. We had talked on the phone for weeks, hours on end, and the physical attraction was more than I ever wished for....

Struggling  Not rated yet
I have recently ended a relationship and have concluded that my previous two relationships ended in a very similar way. I was told I was being emotionally ...

I Just Can't Seem To Do Anything Right  Not rated yet
My husband is angry with me all the time. There is never a day of peaceful harmony. A simple question or statement will set him off. I am interrupting ...

I'm So Frustrated!  Not rated yet
As a child my parents never paid me any attention. I was always on my own throughout everything. I have a younger sibling. He should have been the only ...

His Rages Scare Me  Not rated yet
I have been in a relationship with a man for 2 years, and in that 2 years he has become like night and day. Most of the time he seems loving and attentive,...

Second Chances, Are They Worth It?  Not rated yet
Eight years ago I left my abusive husband. He never hit me, but he got into drugs pretty bad. And it didn't help the problem he has had his entire life ...

32 Year Old Son Is Out Of Control  Not rated yet
My 32 year old son is currently living with his grandmother, uncle, and aunt in grandma's house. He works in construction, but he's unemployed and currently ...

Help: Mental Abuse Relationship  Not rated yet
My family is always stressed and tense. My mom and dad are always fighting. We've been going to church and my mom is trying to learn to have a Christian ...

Differing Points Of View  Not rated yet
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years. Due to financial circumstances I had asked him to move into my apartment with me to split the rent....

Confused  Not rated yet
I have been married to my husband for 16 years. Up till last week, we were planning on remnewing our vows. Suddenly out of nowhere my husband said he needed ...

Seemingly Out Of The Blue  Not rated yet
My boyfriend and I are on vacation. We were having a really good time one night after spending the day at the beach. We were drinking beer on the beach ...

Who Is Really To Blame?  Not rated yet
I have had anger issues for as long as I can remember. Perhaps because I witnessed my father physically hit my mom, bash her head into the kitchen door ...

Good Woman Treated Bad  Not rated yet
I'm 28 years old, and my boyfriend is 22. He is bipolar, ADD & ADHD. He's very angry and upset all the time. He's becoming abusive, but I love him so much....

Hair Trigger Anger In My Marriage  Not rated yet
How can I manage my anger? It happens so fast I cant stop it, and I really don't want it to happen. I yell right away, and I feel sorry after that. But ...

Home Alone  Not rated yet
One time me and my boyfriemd Brandon were at my house alone. I went upstairs to go get something, and he came up behind me and we started making out. We ...

Little Lady, Big Anger.  Not rated yet
Hello, I am a twenty-one year old female college student from Ohio. I guess I will give a little background on myself to better explain my situation first....

Breaking Communication Barriers From Past Abusive Relationships  Not rated yet
Dr. DeFoore,

I just read your paper “The Power of Intimacy: Overcoming Barriers to Deep and Lasting Closeness.” I thank you for writing it as after ...