How To Deal With
Abusive Relationships

Act Now Before It Gets Worse!


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Good for you for being here! Abusive relationships don't just fix themselves, and you're smart enough to know that. Instead of just putting up with it and "waiting until it gets bad enough," you're here to get help and make things better.

You'll find lots of free information and support right here, including books, CDs or counseling programs if you want. Now let's get right to it...

Know what? You are smarter, stronger and healthier than you realize. Believe in yourself, and never, ever give up on you!



Here are some basics you need to know:

  • You are a good person, and you deserve to be treated with respect--no matter what. This doesn't mean you're perfect, it just means you are human, and worthy of respect.

  • Regardless of who you are or what you've done, I have some relationship advice for you--you do not deserve to be abused.

  • You must be willing to take responsibility. That's where your freedom comes from. abusive relationshipsIt doesn't mean you're responsible for the abusive relationship, it just means you are responsible for taking action to protect yourself and others who are being hurt.

  • Assuming you are an adult, you are capable of taking action to improve your situation--you already have! You're here reading this web page, aren't you?. One step at a time, and you'll get there.

  • You are not alone! There are people on this web site that will help you deal with abusive relationships. You can tell your story here and get support and professional advice about what to do. You can also read other visitors' stories and learn from their experience. Remember, one step at a time!



Do you get out, or stay and keep trying?

One option is to get out of the relationship. The other is to stay and try to work things out. But first, we have to figure out which is the best option!

Here are some things to consider in making your decision:

  • Are you or anyone being hurt physically?

  • Are you or anyone being sexually abused?

  • Are you or anyone being threatened physically or sexually? Do you or anyone feel your life is in danger?

  • If you are not sure what physical or sexual abuse is, you will find a full description here.

These are "worse case scenarios," and if you answered "yes" to any or all of the above, you need to find a safe place to go immediately. If you end up getting a divorce, you will need some divorce advice on letting go of a relationship.

There is also emotional or mental abuse. This type of abuse, although it may not seem as extreme as the above, can be just as devastating. Here are some questions to help you decide if you're being emotionally abused:

  • Do you find yourself afraid of your partner and don't really know why?
    • abusive relationships

  • Do you feel worse about yourself after or while being with your partner?

  • Does it seem like your partner does not respect your ability to make your own decisions?

  • Does it seem like your partner does not respect you in general?

This type of situation can make start to doubt yourself, and actually interfere with your decision making ability. This can start a downward spiral that just keeps going until you feel that you are not competent to take care of yourself.

Then, if you are actually being abused, you become more and more dependent on the abuser. Not a good thing.



It is time for you to help yourself!

In order to survive abusive relationships, you must educate yourself. Understanding abusive relationships is a first step, and it will also help you to learn to respect yourself and develop healthy anger.

Healthy anger is based on self-love, and it does not harm anyone. Healthy anger is for the purpose of protecting you and keeping you safe.

Healthy anger fuels effective action!

Here are some thoughts for you to consider:

  • You are a good person, and you are worthy of being treated with respect.

  • No one has the right to hurt you physically, sexually, emotionally or mentally. Of course we all get hurt somewhat in our love relationships--however, if the harm is being done intentionally and it keeps happening, that's another thing. That means you are in an abusive relationship.

  • You are not alone. There are thousands of people all over the country devoted to helping people just like you to get yourself and your children out of abusive relationships. Learn more and get some excellent relationship advice here.

  • If you are having anger management problems of your own, you probably need to learn these anger management techniques yourself--especially if you are sometimes abusive to your partner yourself!

If you are single, and want some Christian guidance and inspiration, visit Inspration-For-Singles.com where you will find some excellent information and resources.



Are you ready to take effective action?

If you know you're in an abusive relationship, but you're afraid to do anything, here is the help you need:


Never, ever give up on yourself! It is never hopeless, no matter how bad it may seem. You have the courage and the good heart to do what must be done to keep yourself and your children safe.

And be sure and check out this great CD/audio download to heal abusive relationships!

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Have A Question Or Story?



Here's your chance to ask Dr. DeFoore about your situation. It can be about your anger, somebody else's anger, or about grief, road rage, anxiety or depression. Tell your story with as much detail as possible, and he will give you some free counseling .

Then, if selected, the results will be a web page on this site that will help others! So, there you go--help and be helped! By the way, you can be anonymous if you choose, but if you include your first name, it's better.

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What Other Visitors Have Said

Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...

Married Two Years And Separated  starstarstarstarstar
My husband and I got married over 2 years ago. The entire marriage has transformed into an employer to employee relationship and a parent to child relationship ...

My Husband Cannot Control His Anger  starstarstarstarstar
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Well, this isn't for me, but I think my friend is too scared to even think about this. First thing I'm going to say is that I love the girl that I'm trying ...

Is This Healthy?  starstarstarstarstar
I don't know if I'm doing the right thing by writing this on here, but I really need the help. And maybe with your advice and to know that I may not be ...

Will He Ever Change?  starstarstarstarstar
My partner and I have been seeing each other on and off for over 2 years. When I first met him I fell for all these GREAT qualities he portrayed, but as ...

My Anger Is A Ruin In My Life   starstarstarstarstar
I am a 30 year old female, married with a son who is 6 years old. I've been suffering with the problem of anger for the past 7 years. I'm basically a loving ...

Very Much Angry  starstarstarstarstar
I can't afford a therapist so I thought I'd give this a try. I am an angry violent person and I can very well admit it. I can even tell you what bugs me ...

I Chased The Man I Love Away  Not rated yet
Dan and I were together for one year. We had a lot of ups and downs, and this was our second major break up. When we met, we were both working, but I ...

I Was Abused As A Child And Now I'm Emotionally Abusive In My Marriage  Not rated yet
Dr. DeFoore, I was emotionally and physically abused by 4 older brothers for over 14 years while growing up.

I used my anger and resentment toward ...

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I've been with this chick for the past 7 months, things have been more good, really awesome. But when it's bad it's bad.

I've gotten more out of this ...

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I have been living with my girlfriend for 7 months, I changed countries and moved in.

I am not allowed to work, drive or even have a driver's license....

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Hi, I am 31 years old, with a lot of issues that I do not take lightly. Now, it's Father's day and I am home tearful since Friday. "Why?", you ask.

Well,...

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When I was 3 years old I was sexually abused by my father. As I progressed in age I was sexually abused by my brother. I came from an alcoholic family....

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Hi. I understand somewhat of what Rachel is going through . My parents and me are going through the same thing, except in a less severe form of abuse....

Eight Years Of Anger And Abuse  Not rated yet
Dear Dr DeFoore

I have been with my husband for eight years and we have two very young children.

My husband seemed pretty nice when I first met him,...

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There are some facts you should know first:

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Seemingly Out Of The Blue  Not rated yet
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Afraid Of What Will Happen  Not rated yet
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Hello, I am a twenty-one year old female college student from Ohio. I guess I will give a little background on myself to better explain my situation first....

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Dr. DeFoore,

I just read your paper “The Power of Intimacy: Overcoming Barriers to Deep and Lasting Closeness.” I thank you for writing it as after ...




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