No matter how bad things are, you've got what it takes to make it better. You are smarter, stronger and healthier than you realize. Believe in yourself, and never, ever give up on you!
Whether you are victim, abuser or both, the problems go south real fast when somebody gives up. You just can't afford to do that.
Relationships are supposed to feel good and make your life better. Don't settle for anything less than that. You are worthy of loving relationships, even if you're the one who's been causing the problems.
You are worthwhile, valuable and good, no matter how you're feeling right now. And that's the key to beginning the process of breaking free from abusive relationships.
One option is to get out of the relationship. The other is to stay and try to work things out. But first, we have to figure out which is the best option!
Here are some things to consider in making your decision:
These are "worse case scenarios," and if you answered "yes" to any or all of the above, you need to find a safe place to go immediately. If you end up getting a divorce, you will need some divorce advice on letting go of a relationship.
There is also emotional or mental abuse. This type of abuse, although it may not seem as extreme as the above, can be just as devastating. Here are some questions to help you decide if you're being emotionally abused:
This type of situation can make start to doubt yourself, and actually interfere with your decision making ability. This can start a downward spiral that just keeps going until you feel that you are not competent to take care of yourself.
Then, if you are actually being abused, you become more and more dependent on the abuser. Not a good thing.
In order to survive abusive relationships, you must educate yourself. Understanding abusive relationships is a first step, and it will also help you to learn to respect yourself and develop healthy anger.
Healthy anger is based on self-love, and it does not harm anyone. Healthy anger is for the purpose of protecting you and keeping you safe.
Healthy anger fuels effective action!
Here are some thoughts for you to consider:
If you know you're in an abusive relationship, but you're afraid to do anything, here is the help you need:
Never, ever give up on yourself! It is never hopeless, no matter how bad it may seem. You have the courage and the good heart to do what must be done to keep yourself and your children safe, and it all starts with self love.
Return to Anger Management Programs.
Here's your chance to ask Dr. DeFoore about your situation. It can be about your anger, somebody else's anger, or about grief, road rage, anxiety or depression. Tell your story with as much detail as possible, and he will give you some free counseling.
Feel free to also review our FAQ page (frequently asked questions), to see if your question has already been answered.
Then, if selected, the results will be a web page on this site that will help others! So, there you go--help and be helped! By the way, you can be anonymous if you choose, but if you include your first name, it's better.
Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...
Incidents Of Abuse Are Few And Far Between
The abuse started when I was a teenager. I've been with my husband since I was 17 and I am now 40. I identified early that I would not accept the abuse …
Is He Abusive With Anger Issues Or Emotionally Closed Off?
My boyfriend and I are about to hit the year mark in our relationship, but it is far from how it once was. When we first started dating we were inseparable, …
He Lies To Me And Says He Wants To Marry Me
I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now. We have broken up a few times when he suddenly decides he doesn't want me anymore but then regrets …
Should We Get Married Despite The Emotional Abuse?
I am desperate for some real advice. My boyfriend and I have been together 18 months. I have 4 kids and he has 2 kids that visit on the weekends. …
It Only Hurts When He's Mad
How can I fix a relationship if I feel it has been contaminated beyond repair? I moved a significant distance, away from family and support, to be with …
I Feel Abusive And I Don't Want To Lose What I Have
Both my fiancé and I are in our very early 20's and have already gone through a lot. He much more than me from anyone's perspective. We've been together …
Wife Harbors Hate And Resentment Toward My Parents
My wife and I have been married for twenty years, we have three children between the ages of 8-13. Over the course of our marriage my wife has tolerated …
The Victim Has Become The Abuser?
I was abused (in all ways except sexually) by my parents. My father was also an alcoholic. My mother has a long history of co-dependency, denial, depression, …
Should I Give Him A Third Chance?
My husband and I have been married for 6 years, I always knew that he had a very bad temper and it got worse over time. I did not realize he was verbally …
Feel Confused, Selfish And Unhappy And I Don't Know What To Do
Hi. I am basically looking for some guidance. My situation's pretty messed up right now and I don't know what to do. I will try and make this as short …
Can't Handle Reality And Everything is Everyone Else's Fault
A person with extreme anger is often set off by the smallest thing. My boyfriend expriences fits of rage over everything. If the light at an intersection …
My Husband Locked Me Out On Mothers Day Not rated yet
I married my husband of 13 years (2nd marriage), after my daughter graduated from college. I was 48 he was 51. Before I knew it I had lost all my …
Mental Abuse Is Painful Not rated yet
I met a man on Christian Mingle. He was a non-practicing Catholic and I'm a practicing Christian. We dated for 14 months. He recently broke up with me …
Why Do I Find It So Hard To Have Faith In Myself That I Can Live Without The Abusive Person? Not rated yet
I have lived in an abusive marriage for 11 years. The abuse was both physical and verbal. I have 3 children aged 10, 8 and 3 years and yes they have seen …
Breaking Communication Barriers From Past Abusive Relationships Not rated yet
Dr. DeFoore, I just read your paper “The Power of Intimacy: Overcoming Barriers to Deep and Lasting Closeness.” I thank you for writing it as after …
Oct 01, 15 05:33 PM
Dear Dr. DeFoore: My adult brother, 51 years old, lives with my elderly mother in her home. My Mother is mentally alert and physically active as she
Sep 30, 15 12:51 PM
I've been with my fiance for a year now, and we've been talking about getting married. But then we end up getting into arguments here and now. He tells
Sep 19, 15 08:55 AM
There is a section of road where residents are allowed to park their cars and it takes up most of one side. People that live in the area know it well,