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I Have Become Mrs. Anger

by Janine
(Rocklin, CA)

Ready To Change

Ready To Change



I have become a bully in some ways. I get angry a lot and take it out on my family and boys with name calling. I’m verbally abusive now and just can't seem to get ahold of it.

I'm 49, and I know I'm hormonal and have to try and calm down. I just can't seem to and I am getting worse by the year. My boys are great. They’re 12 and 15, and my older kids are out 27 and 31, living good lives. I’m a grandma of 2.

I was really young when married. I was in a horribly abusive marriage for 7 years, being with my first husband from 14 to 24. My mom signed me off basically, and no I wasn't pregnant. It was just easier than dealing with a teen, she said.

She was pregnant at 15 and 16, yet still let me get married young like she did. She was only married 2 years to my dad. I no longer talk to her. It's been 6 years because of her perverted husband number 3.

I got remarried to my husband, 2 years after my divorce. He was good with the kids and comes from a good family. I really don't know if he married me because of love, or felt it was time. We had dated 5 years, I was 26 and he was 24.

I told him we need to get married or part. I started to think it wasn't good for my kids to just keep dating. So we went to city hall and married on a Wednesday (real romantic). He didn't tell his parents until afterward, which went over big in a Mexican catholic family of 14, him being the baby. But he was ok with it.

We have been married now 18 years, but we are drifting apart . We have 2 boys, 12 and 15. We never do anything together without arguments. I work part time as a Real estate temp, since I have no education really.

I hate being who I am anymore, and feel I'm being a bad role model to my boys. I have this crazy thing about not leaving and being a good mother. I'm faithful, very loyal, honest, and devote everything to my family.

I have this self-righteous anger somehow, and justify being angry all the time. This isn't me. I've somehow lost myself, or don't know what I want any more, my husband says I'm psycho, crazy, unhappy and angry and need help because of my bad relationship with my mom.

I hate he feels this way, because I'm not crazy. I have taken psych classes enough to know better, I know the difference. Anyhow, that's just some of my background and any advice at all would help.

I hate to have to be divorced once again, and from a decent man this time.

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Jan 02, 2016
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I Believe You Can Change
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Janine, and thanks for telling your story here. Like you said, this angry behavior is "not you," but you're still totally responsible for it. I think you know that, and that's why you're reaching out for help here.

You're a good person, and that's why you don't like how you're acting. It's clear to me from what you wrote that you have unresolved emotional trauma from your past. Most recently, your abusive marriage of 7 years, starting when you were still a child in many ways, because of how young you were when you married.

You also mentioned that you are estranged from your mother because of her marriage to a man you describe as "perverted." This tells me he may have molested you sexually in some way, or at least that you were exposed to his perversions as a result of your mother marrying him.

You have good reasons for your anger, and I think it's coming from these two (and possibly other) incidences of emotional trauma in your past.

Here is what I suggest:

Use all of the tools you will find on this page. These are powerful tools you can use on your own. They only work if you use them, and the more you use them the better they will work for you.

Believe in yourself, Janine, and the goodness in your heart that reflects who you really are. Make up your mind that you are going to become that good person, and use the tools I've suggested.

You can do this. It won't be quick or easy, but if you start right away doing what I suggest, you will start to feel better, and you'll begin to gain control over your anger.

Your choice to marry your current husband is a reflection of the good person you truly are. Good for you. Now, preserve your marriage by following my recommendations and healing your anger.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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