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My Husband Is A Bully

by Anonymous
(California)



Hello. I just recently got married in August, 2017. I moved 550 miles away from home to be with my new husband, who is active duty in the military.

He has been well known to have pretty severe anger issues, and has even failed anger management classes. I feel stuck and at a loss at this point. It started out in September when we first moved in to our house. Small arguments that were discussed and the problem was solved.

Then the first really big fight happened and he was trying to leave. I was trying to talk to him about the issue and he just wouldn't listen, and left anyway. I still have not gotten him to talk about it. Gradually the fights have been happening more frequently and they are getting worse.

Most of the time they are because I ask for affection or intimacy from him, and he gets angry. Last night, it got to the point where he started to threaten me with physical harm, told me that I need to go to a mental institution, and even made fun of me and taunted me for asking him to stop hurting me this way.

He even put a pillow on my face because I wouldn't "shut up." He was "trying to sleep" while his wife is being torn apart by his words and lack of compassion. Today, the fights continued. I laid down in bed next to him only to be taunted more because my "brain is sick."



He just left again, because I started to cry. I have pointed out that his actions are very abusive and he doesn't seem to care. I talked to him in confidence that I have had suicidal thoughts and he was there to support me before, but now it gets turned against me by him telling me different ways that I can or should do the deed.

As far as I can see, I am not good enough and I am very alone and it's tearing me apart. I am terrified of him, yet also very afraid of losing my husband. He is everything to me. This is not the man that I fell in love with, nor the man I married.

How do I get things back to the way they once were? I have devoted everything to this man and I want to exhaust every option before I give up. Please help me.

Thank you so much for reading.

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Aug 11, 2017
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It's Very Important That You Take Action To Care For Yourself
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for reaching out for help here. I'm sorry things are going so wrong in your marriage.

You are in a battered wife syndrome, and it is hurting you mentally and emotionally, and threatening your physical well being as well. Please reach out for help now.

Here is a resource specifically for military families. Many people have been through what you're going through, and help is available. Please don't hesitate to get some support. You are worth it.

One of the most devastating effects of abuse is that your self worth is diminished, and this is exactly what is happening to you. That's why it's important that you get help now, before it gets worse.

Your focus needs to be on helping yourself. The only help for your husband will be if he seeks help on his own. You can't help him or fix his problems.

Believe in yourself and the goodness of your tender heart.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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