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Unsure Of Myself & Blaming Myself For My Husband's Anger

by Sarah
(USA)



This is hard for me because I love my husband very much. But I feel like all I do is make him angry with me. Every time I say something to him he takes it the wrong way and gets mad.

If I congratulate my little girl for going to the bathroom on the big potty instead of her little potty chair I get yelled at. If I try to explain myself to him he feels like I'm arguing with him. He tells me I need to say "ok" or "I understand" so that he doesn't get so angry with me but even if I do that he is still angry. I am always walking on eggshells with him.
I know I'm not perfect. And I wish I was, then I wouldn't make so many mistakes with him. When he is yelling at me and angry with me about something, even with something our daughter did, I feel really unsure of myself. I don't know what to do anymore.


I try and try to do right by him but I never do. I have made him so angry (not meaning to) by trying to give him my opinion or explain why I did a certain thing that he has held my arm tightly and has grabbed for my neck. He didn't hit me or strangle me but kind of shook me.

I don't make enough money to leave and I am scared too because of my daughter, I don't want to lose her plus I am worried about what other people will think of me. People love him and his personality.

Maybe everything I do is wrong and it is my fault. I just don't know anymore. Sometimes I think that everyone would be better off without me in this world because I'm useless and I'm nothing. I don't know any more of what I can do to make things better.

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Apr 11, 2017
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His Anger Is Not Your Responsibility
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Sarah - You are in no way responsible for your husband's anger. You are not causing him to be angry, or "making" him angry.

You do things, and he gets angry...you're responsible for what you do, but not for how he reacts. Please understand this, because it's very important.

You may not want to hear this, but your husband is being abusive to you. Without question.

My biggest concern is for you, and how this has diminished you to the point of thinking that you are the problem and wanting to die.

Please do not harm yourself in any way. You are a good person...that is very clear from what you've written here. Seek professional counseling as soon as you possibly can.

You are good. You are not causing any of his anger problems. He is 100% responsible for his anger.

I wish you all the best as you seek help for yourself.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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