Anger, love and forgiveness are huge issues in our world, and maybe in your own home. You can learn to forgive, but you may well have to learn how to release and express your anger in healthy ways first!
If you make anger the "bad guy," you just won't get to the true benefits of forgiveness. Anger has to be fully understood and released before you get to move on to the freedom of total forgiveness.
Love and forgiveness have to be fully understood before you can let go of resentments and be emotionally whole and free.
It all starts with love. We are born with the need to love and be loved, and no one, even the best parents, can meet that need perfectly. Therefore we all feel hurt as a natural part of life. And of course, there are those hurts that are inflicted by abuse, abandonment and neglect, in some cases extreme.
From this pain, fear and anger naturally emerge. It makes perfect sense to be angry when you're hurt. Anger is an important place to visit, you just don't want to live there. Here is where love and forgiveness come in. Total forgiveness is the process of letting go of anger and resentment so that you can go on with your life. Love and forgiveness are for you, not for the forgiven. That is essential to understand.
Anger and forgiveness seem very different from each other, in the sense that anger involves an intense focus on the "wrongdoer," and forgiveness involves shifting focus off of that person and moving on with your life. Yet there are some ways that anger and forgiveness are the same.
Unhealthy anger and premature forgiveness both include:
When you are angry at someone and blaming them, you are definitely judging them and putting yourself in a "one-up" position. The way you are dishonoring yourself here is that you are failing to look at your own creative responsibility in the situation. This is the hazard of the "blame game." When you are into blaming others for your feelings, situation or plight, you are making yourself a victim and denying your own power and responsibility.
Premature forgiveness is forgiving someone when you're not through being angry. You are still judging them, and therefore you're seeing yourself as "one-up." You are dishonoring yourself by pretending to forgive in your mind, when your heart and gut are still carrying anger and resentment. Total forgiveness is a matter of body, mind and spirit release and resolution, and it just can't be done if there is residual anger.
Here are some important truths to remember when you're angry:
Here are some other ways that anger, love and forgiveness are the same. When anger is healthy, and forgiveness is authentic, both involve:
Both healthy anger and total forgiveness involve the power of healthy release and letting go, which takes you out of the victim position. This can only occur in a container of love and forgiveness. Anger can only be healthy when accompanied by some degree of wisdom and love, and the five stages of forgiveness can only be completed when they are based on love for yourself and/or another person.
Learn more right now--preview this CD program:
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Understanding Anger
Anger is the most misunderstood emotion. Most people just think it is bad. Here are some common misconceptions:
These misconceptions result from the lack of understanding of healthy anger. Healthy anger is:
Have you ever taken action about something that made you angry? Think about MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. They got mad, and took action in healthy, appropriate ways to resolve the problem leading to their pain and anger. There is no doubt that MADD has moved through the five stages of forgiveness. Here's the bottom line on healthy anger: healthy anger fuels effective action!
Total forgiveness is something that only your body can do. Surprised by that? Here's the deal. Anger and resentments are held in the body as well as the mind, and your mind can decide to forgive long before your body is ready. Literally, your body has a mind of its own. Here are some things to understand about forgiveness:
You will know that you have forgiven when your body is relaxed and your breathing is deep and easy.--while you visualize the wrongdoer and say, "I accept you for who you are, with all of your best and worst. I no longer need you to change. I forgive you for myself, so that I can be free. I forgive you so that I can let go of resentments and feel love and joy in my heart, mind and body."
Your body will tell you if love and forgiveness are complete.
The Five Stages of Forgiveness
Visit Fear-Stands-In-My-Way.com to learn more about how to move from fear to love. This web site will also help you with expanding your self-awareness, your personal journey and dealing with parental grief.
Keep in mind that the five stages of forgiveness may require a lot of time, counseling and emotional healing. Each of the above stages might take as much as a few weeks or months each, depending on the depth of emotional pain that has been experienced. Just keep the faith, and know that you can find peace, love and forgiveness again!
Keys to Emotional Health and Freedom
Here are some thoughts to consider about love:
Life starts with love. Anger is an inevitable emotion, which can temporarily or permanently take us away from love and forgiveness. When we work through our anger, we can forgive. Total forgiveness is a return to love.
And the greatest of these is love.
Begin your journey toward total love and forgiveness with anger management counseling with Dr. DeFoore now.
And, don't miss this opportunity! There's no risk! We offer a full money-back satisfaction guarantee on this CD program!
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Forgiving is something you do for yourself. The other person may or may not benefit, that's up to them. Tell your story here for your own benefit, and you might end up helping someone else also. Even if you're having trouble forgiving we want to hear your story!
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Never Forgiven
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I can not forgive my mother for what she did to me. She humiliated and abused me emotionally as a child. Now, when someone else attempts to do the same ...
Response To George's Story
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Hello George, and thank you for telling your powerful and dynamic story on this site. Your words and the deep thought and self reflection behind them are ...
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I am a man, early fifties, undergoing counseling and neuro feedback therapy to treat my anger issues. My wife is threatening divorce while we have two ...
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I fell in love with this man. I gave him my heart. We started dating and then things got serious and we moved in with each other. After some time I noticed ...
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The time I really never forgave someone happened when I was about 15 years old, and things were really bad with my mother. She was using my name and credit ...
When Anger Hurts
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My husband has been a very angry person from the day I met him. Generally, his quiet moments are less obtrusive than his angry ones, but the angry ones ...
Margie Mahoney, BS, RDH |