I'm Getting The Silent Treatment From My Friend

by Charlotte
(Massachusetts)

One of the hardest things I have ever gone through in my life is a friend suddenly not speaking to me. No matter how much I have tried to reach out to this friend, they will not respond to me.

I have asked that they let me know what I have done to offend, hurt or deceive them. I want to own, apologize or defend whatever has happened.

Everyone around me says to just let go and count it as a loss. Maybe this person was never really a friend to begin with. Maybe this person is not worthy of my pain and tears. But, deep down inside me there is pain, deep pain, and worry.

How do I let go and know that I have done the very best I can to resolve whatever issue is between us?

I am suffering deeply and cannot get past the hurt. I am truly hurting and in pain. I want to let go of the anger and pain.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Charlotte, and thanks for telling your story here. I think the grieving process will be helpful to you in letting go. If you follow all of the guidelines on our stages of grief page, you will be honoring the relationship, while letting it go.

Be sure and do a lot of writing about all you loved about your friend and the friendship. And write about who and how you were with her--this is all a part of what you have lost, and what you're grieving.

You seem to be stuck in the pain, and remembering the good things in what you've lost will help you to move through that. The "way out is in," meaning when you remember the good things, it will help you to feel the pain in a healing way.

And also be sure and end your process by focusing on the good things in you and your life, using the positive journaling process described on this page.

You can do this, Charlotte. Make up your mind you will be stronger and better after this. You can do it.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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