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Anger, Love And Forgiveness
Let Go Of Resentment And Return To Love

Authored by William G. DeFoore, Ph.D.

Anger, love and forgiveness touch everyone's life at some point. It's easy to get angry, and if you're lucky it's easy to love. But it is not always easy to forgive.

You can learn to understand and release your anger and resentment, and that's how you let go and experience total forgiveness.

love and forgiveness

You will discover how love and forgiveness can heal you and resolve your anger so that you can be the happy person you've always wanted to be.

Discover also how these three powerful emotions connect to each other, and learn 5 stages of forgiveness that will take you to the peaceful resolution you're looking for. 

You'll see a free slide show on this topic, and learn about an audiobook that will take you through everything on this page, and a whole lot more.

Where Does The Love Fit In?

We all need to love and be loved, and it's been that way since we were born. But love is never perfect, so we all get hurt one way or another, and then we get afraid of that hurt coming again. One of the ways we protect ourselves is with anger, because anger feels like a stronger emotion than fear. And then we act on our anger, and find ourselves in need of love and forgiveness.

It's no suprrise that you get angry when you're hurt. It's a natural, instinctive reaction to pain. So anger is not a bad emotion, you just don't want it to last too long or cause you to hurt the ones you love. But unfortunately, that is exactly who we usually end up hurting.

I think you can see how love and forgiveness are connected through anger, and why we need forgiveness to get us back to the love we started with. And it's total forgiveness you want, not partial. Partial forgiveness is like being partially pregnant--there's no such thing.

Total forgiveness means letting go of anger and resentment once and for all. Please understand that forgiveness is for you, not for the person you're forgiving.

While anger and forgiveness are very different, there are some ways that anger and forgiveness are the same. Let's find out some more about that, and what you can do about it.

Check out this slide presentation that I did on love, anger and forgiveness at the National Wellness Conference

How Are Anger Love And Forgiveness Alike?

When your anger is unhealthy, part of what you're doing in your head is judging others, and putting yourself in a "one up" position over the person you're mad at. Ironically, you're also dishonoring yourself, because you're taking the position of victim in the situation, perhaps even feeling a sense of helplessness, which fuels your anger.

This is sometimes called the "blame game" where you are so busy pointing the finger at someone else that you fail to see your own freedom and responsibility in the situation.

How is that similar to forgiveness? You know how easy it is to say "I already forgave him." Those are just words, but since they're the "right" words to say, a lot of people say them too quickly, before they're really ready to forgive.

This type of forgiveness is dishonest, and it comes from a "one-up" position--you have to see yourself as above the other person to think you need to forgive them. When you forgive before you're ready, you dishonor your true feelings, and resentment builds. You're not really speaking your truth.

Total love and forgiveness doesn't come until you have worked through your anger, and you're physically and emotionally ready to let go.

Here are some points to consider about who's responsible for what:

  • The other person (that you're mad at) is responsible for what they did, but they're not responsible for how you feel.
  • You are responsible for how you feel and what you do with those feelings. In other words, if you get depressed, or explode in anger, that's on you, not the other person.

Both healthy anger and total forgiveness involve the power of healthy release and letting go, which takes you out of the victim position. This can only occur in a container of love and forgiveness. Anger can only be healthy when accompanied by some degree of wisdom and love, and the five stages of forgiveness can only be completed when they are based on love for yourself and/or another person.

Learn more right now--preview this audiobook below right now!

love and forgiveness

Creating Joy and Healing in All of Your Relationships 

Discover and learn to make the powerful journey from anger through forgiveness and back to love. Love is who you are at the core of your being, and there is always a deep yearning within you to return to your true nature.

These unique and dynamic anger management CDs will help you to understand the essence of love, anger and forgiveness in all of your relationships. 

Preview or Buy Now

Available in Ebook and Audiobook format

"Thank you. I was looking for a way to learn how to be more comfortable in the presence of anger and still treat myself and others with respect and respond peacefully. Your audio 'Love, Anger and Forgiveness' offered me great insight and skills that I look forward to putting in practice."

All the best, Tracey

What Are The Five Stages Of Forgiveness?

  1. Develop a clear understanding of the wrongdoing or harm that was done to you and who is reponsible. Be aware that the love and forgiveness you are looking for will also depend on you recognizing your own responsibility for what happened.
  2. Identify and acknowledge all of your feelings in response to what happened, including pain, fear and anger primarily. Writing about these feelings can be extremely helpful for emotional healing.
  3. Talk through these feelings with a trusted confidant--a good friend or trusted counselor.
  4. Fully release all negative emotions, including anger, fear and sorrow. You must give full, complete and healthy expression to your anger to arrive at love and forgiveness.
  5. Choose joy, peace and well being for yourself. Learn about Goodfinding and the power of optimism for creating and maintaining lasting health and happiness.

Keep in mind that the five stages of forgiveness may require a lot of time, counseling and emotional healing. Each of the above stages might take as much as a few weeks or months each, depending on the depth of emotional pain that has been experienced. Just keep the faith, and know that you can find peace, love and forgiveness again!

Do You Have A Story
About Forgiveness?

Forgiving is something you do for yourself. The other person may or may not benefit, that's up to them. Tell your story here for your own benefit, and you might end up helping someone else also. Even if you're having trouble forgiving we want to hear your story!

What Other Visitors Have Said

Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...

Betrayed And Rejected And Now I Can't Let Go 
The first two years was extreme romance, when we worked together to get over everyday challenges. I was a single mom of two boys and he had grown …

My Mom Wishes I Had Never Been Born 
I am from an extremely overprotective family. My mom told me before to never to talk to any boy and she shouted at me before several times before …

Falsely Accused 
This past year, I rented a room from an elderly man but each time I returned home or paid rent, he would ask me about dating him. I told him "no" on …

How Can You Forgive When You Can’t Trust Someone 
Your words are beautiful and touching to my wounded heart. My story is about a 2nd marriage. We were both totally in love or so I thought. He said …

A Grown Up Bully 
My story starts when I began courting my husband. You see, he had a best friend and little did I know how much this friend would interfere in our relationship …

After My Fiance Beat Me Should I Forgive Him? 
I found my fiance with a prostitute in bed. I got confused immediately. I could not believe my eyes. I slapped his face as he held my hand to make the …

I Can't Get Past It 
I have a one year old with my boyfriend. While I was pregnant I found out he had been cheating on me. The hormones made me very forgiving and I let go …

Never Forgiven 
I can not forgive my mother for what she did to me. She humiliated and abused me emotionally as a child. Now, when someone else attempts to do the same …

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About two years ago, I had a fallout with a very special friend who I thought loved me unconditionally and I thought we meant the world to each other. …

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I am a 37 year old woman who has been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is assumed that my PTSD originates from my early childhood experience …

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I'm 15 years old and I'm living with my mom yelling at me and my step dad telling my mom not to buy me things with my two young sister's ignoring me …

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As far back as I can remember, I became tied to the world through my mother--and to some extent, my brother. My mother put her speech therapy training …

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One of the hardest things I have ever gone through in my life is a friend suddenly not speaking to me. No matter how much I have tried to reach out …

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Hi, my name is Donna. I am having a very hard time forgiving. My husband confessed to an affair he was having prior to him leaving for duty overseas. He …

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I'm angry from the womb. My mother died when I was a year old, leaving seven children from ages 2 months to 12 years. She herself never turned 30. …

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I fell in love with this man. I gave him my heart. We started dating and then things got serious and we moved in with each other. After some time I noticed …

Everyone Has Childhood Stories Not rated yet
The time I really never forgave someone happened when I was about 15 years old, and things were really bad with my mother. She was using my name and …

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My husband has been a very angry person from the day I met him. Generally, his quiet moments are less obtrusive than his angry ones, but the angry ones …

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