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After My Fiance Beat Me Should I Forgive Him?
(Zambia, Central Africa.)
I found my fiance with a prostitute in bed. I got confused immediately. I could not believe my eyes.
I slapped his face as he held my hand to make the girl run away. He later beat me up. He looked so evil that day and to me he was an evil spirit. He is generally a nice, loving guy but I don't know what happened to him that day.
I reported the matter to the police. I reported him for assault, but now he says he is sorry. I have forgiven him but I feel I still love him and want to get back to him.
We exchanged a lot of bad words, but he said the worst of course. Do you think forgiving him will be the best for me, and getting back with him beneficial? I have been with him for two years now and life without him is hard for me. I can manage life but not without him.
This animal called "love" is killing me. What do I do? Please help me.
I am lost with life. But God is still on the throne.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Sheila, and thanks for telling your story here. You are wise to question your decision to forgive and stay with this man. I will try to help.
The only way you will be safe with him is if he gets into deep, long-term treatment as an abuser. From what you've written here, that does not sound like a possibility. Therefore, if you get back with him, it is only a matter of time before he is unfaithful and abusive to you again.
If you haven't already dropped the assault charges against him, I suggest that you not drop them. Let him face the consequences for his violent behavior--otherwise, you're giving him your permission to do it again.
Read this page, which will help you:
You need to work on raising your self esteem, in order to place your own well being above your love for this (or any) man.
You can do this, Sheila. It is up to you to protect and care for yourself.
My very best to you,
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