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A Grown Up Bully

by Melissa
(Fort Wayne, IN)

My story starts when I began courting my husband. You see, he had a best friend and little did I know how much this friend would interfere in our relationship at the time. You see his friend was a jokester (not just any kind, but somebody who was looking for the perfect person to pick on) and I was the brunt of a lot of jokes, probably more than I will ever really know or care to know.

When Robert (my husband) and I were still courting his friend (Eric) would do things to me. At the time the little things didn't bother me too much, but after we were married things escalated quickly. I was not wise enough to know it, but I talked to Eric about Robert's and my marriage problems. Well, as I did this he began to make things appear larger in my eyes then they were and basically pitted Robert and me against one another, which he found funny when we would have a huge fight. (I'm not blaming him for every problem in my marriage, it just aggravated it).

Well as time went on I became a victim (in my mind and his) to his cruel jokes. At one point after our baby girl was born, I was going through post-partum depression and Eric called and left awful messages on the home phone. He pretended to be my husband and say that while he works hard, I sit on my fat butt (I am overweight) and do nothing.

This was the hardest thing I could have imagined. After this he would do stuff like park really close to my car door at church and hide my purse. It was a constant something.

Well the moment I forgave was when a preacher came to our church and spoke on bitterness. I realized right then that I was bitter. I was bitter towards Eric and some other people in my life. I want to say that I have forgiven him fully but I realized after reading your article that I haven't and I am going to work on this starting now. Thank you!

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Melissa, and thanks for telling your story here. I'm glad you found the article to be helpful, and that you plan to work on continuing your forgiveness process. Fully claiming and expressing your anger in healthy ways will really help you to let go and forgive.

I am sure you will succeed.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission.

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Oct 14, 2011
I understand
by: distressed widow

After reading your story I understand what you are feeling and going through. I was married for 13 years and together a total of 15 years before I lost my husband to a horrific accident. His father did not approve of our marriage as I was too strong minded to fit into the family that he controlled. He was with my husband the day of the accident, and I will just say I will never know the truth on how he got killed exactly. The family put me through pure torture after the death in which I remained strong like a tree in a storm, refusing to lay down to them. I had 15 years of resentment and hate bottled up. I knew that I had to forgive this man, who I found out after husband died, had been trying his hardest to get us divorced. I read an article that changed my point of view on him forever. It basically said that when a person does you wrong or is malicious to you it really is not them. It is the adversary at work. It opened my eyes to not take it personally and to be able to release the anger and hate that I had bottled up for him. To be able to truly forgive is one of the hardest things that I have ever done. But, it was the most rewarding. To this day I still pray for him and his salvation. I wish you luck in your journey. It is hard when a person, whether a friend or family member, finds pleasure in trying to destroy your marriage. I know this first hand. Best wishes to you.

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