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Betrayed And Rejected And Now I Can't Let Go

by Powell

The first two years was extreme romance, when we worked together to get over everyday challenges.

I was a single mom of two boys and he had grown children even though we were the same age. We went through holidays and the passing of his mom.

I read in the paper under marriage licenses that he got married to a 23 year old student. We are both 45. He finally confessed, saying he was going to tell me, and that he really did it for me. Huh?

She was a Russian student that paid him $12,000 so she could get her green card and stay in the states. He was convinced by her uncle, who works out in the same gym, that it would be 6 months and no one would know and he would be paid upfront.

I insisted on divorce, because it was destroying us. It cost him $1700, and then he returned all of the money. My heart never healed and our trust wasn't the same.

He then started to throw himself into working out and really getting fit. This is while I made him special high protein low carb meals and helped him get his credit rating back to good. He started to look and feel great, but our relationship got worse.

All of a sudden I wasn't fit enough, I wasn't his style, I wasn't what he saw in the future. Now he says he never wanted to raise kids. He started to get attention from females at his job. Others started to tell him how great he looked while I was still there loving his downfalls, which they didn't know about but I accepted.

I was devoted to us getting better together. He goes to counseling for PTSD from the service 2x per week. They convinced him he needed to get rid of the stress in his life. I was now looked at as the stress.

After a rough date night he went in his house and locked me out. I knocked, and he never answered. Instead he called the police on me. They came and he told them he didn't want me around anymore. He kept telling them I was a Codependent, like he learned a new word.

Since then he has blocked my number and will not answer the door. He lives on my way to half the things in my life and I have never seen a new car in the driveway, he goes to work and home. I dont even see him at the gym anymore. So this is his craziness.

Now here's mine.

Since this happened, I tell myself 15 times a day to move on. Just move on. I've done some 7 week courses about getting out of an abusive relationship and how to heal. I can't.

I want some attention from him, even if it's bad. I've dropped road kill in his driveway, I've called the dog warden on his tagless dogs, I've taken his shoes from his front door step and now I dumped Thanksgiving dinner in his driveway. Just dumb stuff.

Every time I tell myself this is it, I do it again. I want him to notice I'm still here, I'm a person and I deserve a conversation about his plan in life since I was a major part for three years.

Even if the plan no longer included me I deserve an explanation. It's been three months and I cry every day and every day I tell myself I wont, but I do.

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Nov 30, 2014
Something Inside You Needs Your Attention
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello Powell

I can tell you're having a really hard time. I also know you wouldn't be writing your story on this site, much less attending 7 week courses, if you were not very committed to getting better and moving on from this.

In other words, I believe you, and I respect your honesty and humility in describing the lengths to which you have gone in your desperation. You probably feel like you're in the grips of something that won't let go.

Here's what I think is going on, and what I recommend...if this doesn't apply, just ignore what I've written and continue seeking help elsewhere. If it does apply, then maybe you will be able to help yourself with the tools I recommend.

1) You are wounded, without a doubt. None of this would be happening if this man had not so deeply betrayed and rejected you.

2) You have a deeper wound, that occurred before you ever entered this relationship, and even though you may not realize it, this older and deeper wound was activated by this more recent wounding.

3) You are seeking attention from this man, as if he had the solution to your pain. I assure you that there is nothing he could do at this point that would heal your pain.

4) Your inner wound is calling to you for your attention, and until you respond, you will continue to have these problems with obsession that are causing you to seek this man's attention.

5) I highly recommend that you follow all of the steps on this page. It will also help you to listen to this audio program on healing your inner child.

This may not be enough, Powell, or it may not be something that you can do on your own. You may need some professional counseling to help you.

Either way, do not give up on yourself. Try to focus on yourself and how distraught you are. That's where your attention needs to be.

You are worthy of your own loving focus.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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