Is It Really Possible To Forgive And Be Forgiven?
by The Observer
About two years ago, I had a fallout with a very special friend who I thought loved me unconditionally and I thought we meant the world to each other. We helped each other through difficult times but things got emotionally complicated and I (after many mentally draining attempts) managed to step out of the leaching relationship it had become.
I was ready to move forward and think fondly of this relationship without any regrets but the other person just would not let go. So came the name calling, the giving out of personal intimate details etc. etc. to damage and tarnish my name in attempt to belittle me.
I left our circle completely as this person made sure I did not form part of it any more once I was not in partnership with him. The things he said were hurtful but when I spoke to him, the replies have been that I had been the great love of his life, that he had literally given me his heart on his palm etc.
This person was really hurt but no matter how I tried he could never understand why I had to leave. It's incomprehensible to him. He's sent me multitudes of mobile messages, emails and even pestered me several times at work.
Now things seem to have calmed down and he's trying to make up, saying he was hurt by me when he said those things and that he has stopped now. Preferably, I should thrash out things with this persons so a kind of compromise is reached.
How do I do that? Moreover, how do I forgive? Only forgiving this person can help me move forward and to grow as a person.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I saw that you ordered our audio program, Love Anger and Forgiveness, so I won’t repeat the information you will receive there. I will, however, give some more personal input to you regarding your situation, and try to help.
It is excellent that you took care of yourself by leaving the relationship when it felt unhealthy to you. Now, I understand you want to forgive and move forward. One thing to consider is that it will be impossible to forgive if you’re still being wounded in the relationship.
Review all of the reasons you left the relationship, and ask yourself what has really changed. And ask yourself if you really feel safe. It sounds like your friend has not taken responsibility for his actions, and that means he is very likely to repeat past behavior.
Read this page on relationship advice, and see if you find anything helpful to you there.
Believe in yourself and your own intuition about what is right for you.
My very best to you,
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