Angry From The Womb
I'm angry from the womb. My mother died when I was a year old, leaving seven children from ages 2 months to 12 years. She herself never turned 30.
My dad was 31 when she passed. Later on we got a cold, unfeeling step-mother. My siblings and I grew up dysfunctional, always feeling unloved and left out. I cry even now for our lost childhoods.
It's not supposed to be this way. Were we molested and abused by older people? I can't remember. My sister who is deceased said she was.
I'm in my 60's now, have been married 3 times and raised 4 children. I'm great at pretending with the most beautiful smile. But, I'm angry to the core and now I'm exploding all over the place. Nothing satisfies me. I've made all the wrong decisions and I want my life back that I never had.
I was in an abusive marriage and I never fought back, thinking it was okay. And I forgave this man for all the harm he did to me and my children. He just died and was buried and never said he was sorry. Now it's too late to deal with it. Not that I even want to. I divorced him some years ago. But, I'm stuck with angry me.
I'm angry about every injustice, exploitation, abuse, abandonment directed at me! How can I get help?
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Joyce, and thanks for telling your story here. All of your emotions are there for a reason, even though you don't like them. The idea is to understand them, and with some techniques I will suggest, you should be able to release and heal some or all of those emotions.
You have told a little here about the trauma you experienced as a child. I do not agree that you are angry from the womb, because I believe that you were born a joyful being into a far-from-perfect world. However, you experienced major loss at a very early age.
The abandonment (your mother's death), neglect (lots of children, one parent and a cold, unfeeling step-mother) and abuse (possibly?) you experienced was mixed with whatever love was present--so you learned early in life that love is always mixed with pain, neglect and sorrow. That is why you tolerated the treatment you did from your husband.
The anger you feel today is there for very good reasons. Deep inside, you know it is supposed to be better than what you have experienced, and you're right about that.
Joyce, I will preface the next part by saying that you may need counseling to heal from your past and get free of your anger. If you want to know more about this (we offer telephone and Skype video sessions if you're out of the Dallas area), please call 214-764-7930 to schedule a session or learn more.
Meanwhile, here are some things you can do on your own that will probably help:
1) Do all three journaling exercises you find described on this page. This will take you through a process of writing about your past trauma, beginning a daily anger journaling process, and then shifting to a positive journaling process. I strongly encourage you to do all of these steps.
2) Also use these imagery processes for emotional healing, to bring resolution to some of your past trauma.
4) It sounds like your ex-husband died fairly recently. I encourage you to take a look at this page on the grieving process and make sure that you are actually grieving your loss. Unresolved grief can often fuel anger and keep it alive for a long time until the grieving is done.
I hope this helps you, Joyce. You are worthy of a good life, and if you make up your mind to create that for yourself, you can do it.
My very best to you,