Handling Temper Tantrums
With Firmness And Love
Handling temper tantrums can be very challenging for parents
, and how you do it makes all of the difference. When you are loving and firm
in your parenting, your tantruming child will respond much better both in the short term and long term.
Here is your chance to learn methods and techniques for being both loving and firm, so that your child knows the necessary limits, and yet does not lose your love.
Parents usually go overboard with the firmness, or overboard with the love. In other words, being too strict and controlling or too loose and inconsistent with limits and boundaries.
Helping your children with their temper tantrums starts with you being right here, ready to learn.
How To Be Both Firm And Loving
To start out, let's talk about what I mean by "firm." I like the word, because it's strong, but not harsh, sharp or aggressive.
Here are some examples of handling temper tantrums in a firm and loving manner.
During the temper tantrum:
- Stop what you're doing, and move in front of your child.
- Hold the child firmly (without causing pain) by the shoulders, and try to get eye contact.
- Keep your facial expression calm, and try to focus on your love for the child--in other words, don't even try this if you're angry yourself. If you can manage a slight smile, that will send a message to your child that they're safe and loved.
- While holding the child with both hands, say, "I can see that you're angry. That's okay, but I won't let you hurt yourself or anybody else."
- Continue holding the child with both hands, and saying positive things like, "I've got you. You're okay. Your anger is strong, and you have good reasons for what you feel. It's okay to be angry, and I'll hold you until I know you're safe."
Again, don't try this if you're angry. Read about angry parents and how you can deal with your part of handling temper tantrums.
Main Points To Remember
A big part of handling temper tantrums with firmness and love is a matter of attitude. Here are some helpful hints for your attitude:
- You are a good person, and your child is good.
- All is well. Anger is natural, and you are teaching your child how to manage it in healthy ways.
- As you start each day, picture your child behaving well, remaining calm and happy.
- When your child starts throwing a temper tantrum, take a few seconds, breathe deeply, and picture yourself remaining calm, firm and loving as you use the above skills.
- There is nothing wrong with your child. All emotions make sense, at some level. Your job as parent is to understand what your child is saying with her/his anger, and respond appropriately.
You can do this. You're a good person and a good parent. You want the best for your child, and that's why you're here reading this page about handling temper tantrums.
One of the best programs I know of for helping parents deal with their children's problems is James Lehman's Total Transformation Program. I believe so strongly in this program that I became an affiliate with Legacy Publishing, Inc. and now offer their products right alongside my own.
You're not alone! Sign up for the Total Transformation Program now.
Remember, you are your own best anger management resource for handling temper tantrums! Your parent's intuition will serve you well...all you need is a few pointers to get you started!