Why Can't She Meet Me Half Way?
My ex girlfriend and I have 3 kids together. She has 3 more kids from 2 other past relationships. Note we have an 8 yr old daughter plus a set of twins just turned 1 yrs old.
She broke it off when my twins were just 4 months old. She just got my daughter and her son back, but lost her 10 yr old to the father because of her 7 yr relationship. He sexually abused her 10 yr old daughter. Plus my 8 yr old and her 13 yr old were taken into foster care. During this time of 7 yrs I would advise her to leave that relationship. He wasn't all there. She claimed she was stuck.
We had our ups and downs but at that time we only had one child together. We were only together for 3 months before she ended it between us and when into that 7 yr relationship. Now during this ordeal, I just got released from prison. She contacted me to work together to get the kids back. We did and changed our lives completely. During that time we were blessed with twins.
Now it's been hard on the both of us, but she claims we are not on the same level. She is a new born christian but that's one of her reasons she only allows me 1 visit a week. We had a falling out about 4 months ago. She put a restraining order on me, but yet calls and has me take her and the kids to the store, doctors and movies.
Now I got laid off. Money's very tight now. She hates me, and now tells me she has a boyfriend and that I did all this because of my anger. I have never raised my hand to my or her kids. I never hit or abused her. I have restrained her from hitting me, and that alone gave her reason for the order.
She lives in a home with the kids by herself, and it's a transitional housing for families. It's in the worst part of San Bernardino. My babies are always sick. My daughter is always picked on by the 13 yr old. My ex talks to me with hate, yells, then hangs up. I am worried about my kids. I see the same cycle happening again. Is it just me or do I have a situation on my hands? If only she would meet me half way!Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Timothy, and thanks for telling your story here. I realize that you want to get back together with your ex girlfriend, and that feeling is very strong for you.
I think your focus needs to be on creating a good life for yourself and your children, and not so much on getting her to meet you half way. I will suggest some things that will be helpful to you if you use them.
First read and follow all of the instructions on this FAQ page
for dealing with your anger. Then, read these page on relationships: relationship advice
You are a good man inside, Timothy. Make up your mind to act according to the goodness in your heart, and let go of your ex girlfriend. Be the best person you can be, and leave the rest alone.
Believe in yourself and the goodness of your heart.
My very best to you,
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