Very Distressed Over My Husband's Violent Rage

by Peggy

Dr DeFoore, I am a very distressed wife, mother of 3 children. My husband of a short period (1 year), for last 3 months has started showing violent rage episodes, usually if I question him on his whereabouts.

He has depression and has threatened suicide before but never tried. He has sleep issues to where he has to take sleeping pills to sleep. Recently his rage episodes have gotten so bad that he has punched holes in our doors and walls, broken pictures, lamps, tile floors, furniture, cell phones, etc.

His facial expression while this is occurring is very scary. I don't know how to deal with these anger issues. Could he have a mental instability or disease? Please help.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Peggy, and thanks for telling your story here. I'm sorry you're having so much trouble in the first year of your marriage. What you describe definitely indicates that your husband has serious anger issues. I cannot diagnose him without meeting with him in a professional capacity, so I will focus my response on helping you.

In a new marriage like this, there's a lot going on for both of you emotionally. If he does not take responsibility and get some help for himself, you have to consider your own safety and the safety of your children. I'm sure you know this kind of stress will take its toll on you and your children.

I suggest that you read the following pages, which will help you with what to do right now, and guide you toward the best possible actions for your future:


how to deal with abusive relationships
battered wife syndrome
dealing with an angry man
relationship advice
letting go of a relationship
dealing with marital problems

If your husband is willing, he could sign up for these online anger management classes, or seek some other type of help for his anger. Again, if he does not seek help for himself, that is not a good sign for yours and your children's future well being.

It would be great if you and your husband could read Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, and do the exercises in the book together.

Believe in yourself, Peggy, and wisdom of your life experience. Your first priority under these circumstances is to your own and your children's well being, and your husband has to attend to his own well being--hopefully he will.

You will make the best decision for yourself as a wife and mother, Peggy.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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