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23 Year Old Autistic Son With Extreme Anger Issues

by Margaret

Hi there. My son is an Autistic 23-year-old man. He lives at home with only myself. He was on meds as a teenager, but stopped at age 16. Since then his anxiety is so that he can’t go out on his own. He likes runs in the car which we do every second day, apart from that he is sat on his laptop in the living room.

My son can be ok and really nice with a good sense of humour, but the flip side to him is that he has extreme anger issues. He is extremely angry at the world and everyone in it. He can’t stand people, including myself he says. He hates the way the world is, his views are very very strong.

He sometimes listens to certain things on the internet and this just fuels his anger. I try to talk to him about it but he gets extremely angry and threatening very quickly. He has in the past hit me when he was a bit younger. I am actually frightened of him but do not show it. He threatens to hit me, and even kill me at times, saying he does not care about what happens to him.

I do tell him if he lifts his hands to me again the police will be involved, but he has no fear of that, he fears nothing and no one. I have told him that I will be looking for a place of his own for him, but it will be social housing and can take years for anything to come up.

Basically, I am living in fear in my own home. I love my son very much, he was a very much wanted child, but he is so difficult to live with, I fear he will do something terrible.

Please do you have any advice? He has been refusing to let me teach him how to be more independent for years, he will not engage with any services, even if he moves out, I will still be the one supporting him with everything.

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May 03, 2024
You Are On The Right Track
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Margaret

You are doing well. I will add some suggestions that might help.

1) When your son says he doesn't care what happens to him, it's just not true. That's a defense mechanism. He cares, like we all do.
2) Allowing him to abuse you is harming you both. This is not love.
3) You have to make your self care your top priority, above your need to care for him.
4) Take whatever action is necessary to create a feeling of safety and comfort in your home. This is more important than your commitment to care for him.

Again, you are harming him by allowing him to abuse you. Think about that, deep and long. Then make the necessary decisions to create safety in your home...for yourself.

I hope this helps,

Dr. DeFoore

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