My Anger Toward My Cheating, Drug Addict Husband Is Out Of Control

by Anonymous

Please help me. I go from extreme depression to anxiety, to rage in dealing with my husband who is a crack addict, steals from me, stole my car, and now has, once again, left me short on rent as he stole $420 from my account last night.

I can't take it anymore. He left me for a drug addict/prostitute and when that didn't work out, he slept with another woman. Now he's back wanting to go to "marriage counseling".

I don't want a divorce but I can't live like this anymore. I am always broke, struggling to just keep my head above water. He caused me to lose 2 jobs and as such am on unemployment which is about to run out. I have had thoughts of suicide - I have no benefits because I have no job and am not entitled to his benefits for some reason.

My life used to be happy, now all I want to do is sleep as it's my only escape and the irony is that because of everything I have chronic insomnia - meaning I go for days with no sleep.

I have to always try and hide my debit card and checkbook for fear of him stealing from me. I have no car because he stole that too, then didn't make payments so that too is repossessed. My credit is destroyed because of him and creditors call daily.

I was once a middle-class self-made professional woman with a career and a purpose, now I have no reason for getting out of bed. My husband, during the time he left, got himself into legal trouble and is avoiding jail time by going through drug court which started this past Monday, yet they still haven't drug tested him and won't for at least another 2 weeks.

I don't understand. I did nothing to deserve this, yet my life is in ruins. I pray every night that God just takes me off this earth as I have nothing left anymore, he has destroyed everything. When I veer from the depression, I go into a rage and start smashing things (i.e. - broke both my cell and home phones this afternoon). What can I do? Please help me.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I can tell you're really hurting, and in need of help. I will offer what I can.

You need to understand that you are just as addicted as your husband is. Your addiction is to him. You describe how he's destroying your life and how you no longer want to live, and you say you don't want a divorce. I'm not suggesting that you get a divorce, but I am suggesting that your current situation living with him just will not work. No one can live a sane, healthy life under these circumstances.

I suggest that you go to an ALANON meeting as soon as possible, and tell your story. You have to decide that your life is worth living, or no one can help you. You have to be your own champion. You said you haven't done anything to deserve this, and that's good. So now give yourself the life that you do deserve. Again, no one can have a life of any kind of decency under these circumstances. You need to live apart from this man, and get some help for yourself to make sure you stay out of these types of destructive relationships.

I suggest that you read each of the following pages, which will help you with your anger, self esteem and with your relationship:

FAQ page on anger management
letting go of a relationship

You need to believe in yourself. You are worthy of respect and care. Don't accept anything less.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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