Anger Destroying Marriage

by Brandon Hobson
(Jacksboro, TX USA)

For years now, I've been so angry. I thought I could handle it. I've never asked for help in my entire life. I was always the one to help. And now for the third time in my marriage, my wife has left me and told me that she was afraid of me.

I've never laid a hand on her but I've been pretty verbal. My wife means the world to me. Without her I'm nothing, and I don't want to lose her. I want to know if I can solve this by taking control of my anger issues--or am I just out of luck as usual?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Brandon

You are not out of luck. You did the right thing by reaching out for help on this site. The reason you are asking for help and wanting to change is that you are a good person. Your anger toward your wife doesn't match up with who you really are or how you want to be.

I know you think you're nothing without her, but that is just not true. If you respect her, you have to respect her choice to be with you and marry you. She saw something of value in you--see if you can figure out what that is, and see the value in yourself. The best thing you can do for your marriage and for your anger problems is to see the goodness in your own heart.

Here's what I want you to do:

1)Write down all of the things you're angry about. Let it pour out of you. Your anger has to have a place to go, and this is the best way. Then if you want, you can destroy the paper--or delete the document on your computer. You have good reasons for your anger, but you don't want it to be in charge of your thinking or your actions.