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Why Is My Son So Angry?

by Keisha

I have a fifteen year old son who is very capable of doing the right thing but he chooses not to. He is very angry when it comes to doing what he is told as well as back-talking and being just plain defiant.

His father passed when he was three, and I moved on from the death of his abusive father from day one. The real reason for my son's problems could be the death of his father or just being the typical teenager who's lashing out.

I don't as a mother abuse him. I don't down him, I feel like I just try to give him love and try to let him understand right from wrong. But he still feels like he can say and do as he pleases and there are no consequences for his actions. What should I do?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Keisha, and thanks for telling your story here. I know you love your son, and you want to do the right thing. I will try to help.

A couple of things come to mind when I read your story. If this doesn't fit for you, just disregard it. It is possible that you are too focused on your son. You need to have an interesting, full life of your own, with fun and interesting things that hold your attention. If you are too focused on him, his anger might be saying "Leave me alone, and get your own life." At fifteen, he needs to have some, but not total independence.

The other thing is your authority and the discipline you are providing in your home. I suggest you check out the program below, to get an overview of child anger and how best to respond to it:

If your son has too much power in your home, he will abuse that power, because he isn't ready to be in charge of a household or a relationship with an adult (you). You have just a few years to help him understand freedom and responsibility, so take advantage of this time to be the best mom you can.

Take a look at this page, which will also help you: Tough Love.

Believe in yourself and the goodness in your son, Keisha. You can do this.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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