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Love Of My Life Has Left Due To My Irratonal Outbursts

by Jonathan
(West Yorkshire)

My girlfriend of three years has recently left me. This was the girl that I planned to spend the rest of my life with. Everything within our relationship is beautiful, I adore her mind, her feelings, and I adore how stunning she is. She is perfect.

She gets rather jealous at times and maybe a bit of resentment (I have an 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship). I can cope with the jealousy as I understand as I am the same. The resentment annoys me but this is few and far between. Anyway, I have bouts of sheer destructiveness where either something I have on my mind comes out maybe questioningly at first but then like a locomotive words are tumbling out of my mouth that I find hard to stop, and these have gotten worse over time.

Half of the time I don't know what I'm saying and I certainly don't think these thoughts normally of her. I sometimes accuse her of things that I don't believe, maybe to see if I can trip her up and therefore settle something in my mind. That's ludicrous!!

I love this girl, why would I hurt her when I feel so deeply about her? This doesn't happen daily, sometimes not weekly. I mean I can go quite some time without being a plonker. I do though slip into miserableness in between, but in general I think I'm a pretty happy man.

I miss my daughter. I am a joiner and times are a bit hard at the moment. My girlfriend is moving out to go back to university (moved out for good now though). And I worry easily. So I flip with the girl who I live with. She has threatened to leave on a couple of occasions unless I sort myself out and I get the ball rolling and then think I'm fine again and then all of a sudden it's happened again.

I'm seeing an anger management chap on 6th July, and that has been organized for sometime but the first appointment I should have had fell when we were on holiday 3 weeks ago so couldn't attend. I've also started yoga which my girlfriend's sister got me into to soothe my head. I keep calling her my girlfriend when she is really my ex!

So, at the moment I'm really low, sending messages that are being ignored or I'm getting them back telling me to stop harassing her. I'm nipping past her mum and dad's to see if her car's there, I'm inviting her out to places, flowers (ok a bit naff, but beautiful flowers and she loves flowers), and from 3 weeks ago where we had our little family holiday in Italy it is almost like she can't stand anything to do with me which is really sad.

The final straw came when she noticed that I'd Googled an image of Katherine Jenkind the opera singer, but typed in Katherine Jenkin's boobs. Yes, a bit childish I agree, but to Ina it's the biggest disrespectful thing I could have done and she will never forgive me for this.

We are not talking pornography here, we are talking a fully clothed heaving bosomed dress shot, like you'd see in any girl mag. Like the ones my ex would bring home and leave on the table. But still I knew she hated that type of attitude that I displayed, and personally I do feel its a tad off.

I mean I don't care if she ogles a pic of Daniel Craig in speedos, it ain't like he's going to come swaning down the road and sweep her off her feet is it?

So that was that. Three years to the day that we met and it's over. I love Ina with my whole heart and for the past three years have breathed her every day. I'm really gutted, but need to sort my mind out once and for all because I need to do this for my daughter, for Ina if she ever comes back or for the future whatever that may hold. Thank you.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Jonathan, and thanks for telling your story here. It is clear that you really love Ina, and that you're going through a lot of pain from the relationship ending. I agree that it would be good to sort your mind out for the sake of your daughter, and yourself.

I suggest that you read the following page on relationships. Whether Ina comes back or not, you need to let go. Letting go is part of love, and when you hold on too tight, you can destroy the love.

Here is the page: quotes on relationships.

You also would benefit from learning about and nurturing your inner child, which is the best way to develop self love. This will really help your daughter as well, to see you feeling good within yourself.

Do this for your daughter, Jonathan, but more importantly do it for yourself. The best gift you can give your daughter is a happy, healthy father.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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