Lack Of Trust

by Jenny
(Germany)

My boyfriend and I grew up in neighboring towns but didn't meet until we were about 30. He was visiting back home, as he lives in another country working for the military.


We did the long distance thing for quite a while until I decided to move over to where he was. Upon arriving, I was given information that he had slept with multiple women, all while being in as much of a relationship as we could be in, given the distance.

This really frustrated and hurt me. I became very suspicious of his actions. He also had a failed marriage due to infidelity. So I feel the cards are stacked against me. I constantly worry and play negative scenarios out in my head. I have come across a few emails/discussions on his phone and internet sites.

I become furious and irrational. I feel like I am not only constantly waiting for the ball to drop, but I am looking for it. When I do find something somewhat incriminating, I lose my cool. I yell, I have thrown things, I get violent. I have never been this way before and I know it is tearing my relationship apart. I am not sure how to let my anger go and move forward. I am always resentful of my actions and am embarrassed of them as well. Please help.




Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Jenny, and thanks for telling your story here. It sounds like you have good reasons for your feelings, but you don't like how you're expressing them, or responding afterwords. I will try to help.

Jealousy and suspicion is a big issue, that many people struggle with. For that reason, I have written several web pages on the subject. I think you will find all of the guidance you need on those pages.

The bottom line here, Jenny, is that you have to love yourself more than your boyfriend, and treat yourself with the utmost dignity and respect. You can do this--believe in yourself and your own value as a person.

Here are the pages:

Overcoming Jealousy
Dealing With Jealousy
Overcome Jealousy With Anger Management Tools

There are a few more pages on jealousy, which you will find on our site map.

Follow the recommendations on these pages, Jenny, and you will start feeling a lot better. Your boyfriend is either going to be faithful or he's not--that's his concern. Your focus needs to be on your own beauty, worth and value. If he really loves you he will be faithful.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore