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I Think I've Lost My First Born Son!

by Roseann

As far as I know, Jimmy is still alive. However, he has put himself in a position to alienate himself from our entire family. He has stolen his younger brother's identity more than once!

I am seeing clearly now for the first time the person he really is, and I am having an awful time accepting the reality of it. I unfortunately raised my boys with an alcoholic husband, who has since gone into recovery.

However, that does not undo the damage that was done when my boys were growing up. I'm very frightened for my son, and sad for his brother as well. I'm just not sure where to go with the sadness and anxiety I feel.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Roseann, and thanks for telling your story here. It is wonderful that you care so much for your sons, and want the best for them. It sounds to me like they are grown, or at least the older one sounds to be an adult. I will respond with that assumption.

The most important gift you can give your son is your love, your trust and your confidence that he will find his way. Your worry and anxiety do him no good, and obviously are not good for you either. I think this might be mostly about letting go for you, and that is done with love. I know you love him, so out of respect for his adulthood and his independence, it is time to start (or continue) letting go.

I suggest you read the following pages, and follow the recommendations you find there:

letting go of a relationship

how to deal with anxiety

You're a good person, Roseann, and it is time for you to begin focusing on creating a good life for yourself. That is a big part of letting go...shifting your focus to your own life, and developing it into a full and fulfilling life that serves you well.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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