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After 37 Years Of Marriage, What Do I Do?

by Anonymous
(North Carolina)

As I have said in the title, we have been married 37 years. Here goes...early in marriage he was verbally abusive at times. Not often. Also I learned how to handle situations to not make him angry.

Throughout our marriage, he drank, quitting liquor 20 years ago. Drank beer after that until 5 months ago. We have a 32 year old son with Bi-polar, manic depression. Lots of problems with him from time to time.

It seems as my husband has quit drinking, and getting older (65), he has more anger problems than ever. He can not deal with our son at all without getting angry. He is forever telling me how crazy he is. He tells me I have to deal with him, because he can't.

I have tried that--everything I do is wrong or not handling it properly. He has started telling me that I am not same person, that it must be my age and a hormonal thing.

I feel like I am the same as always, the peacemaker--trying to keep everything ok. Now he has gotten very verbally abusive--no physical abuse whatsoever.

Every day, he can fly off at nothing--get angry and cuss me all to pieces. He is also very verbal with anyone that he feels is not correct and he is. Please give me insight on what to do.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I can see that between dealing with your son and your husband, you have your hands full. I'm going to focus on helping you, so that hopefully you can become confident and strong enough within yourself to make good decisions going forward.

First, regarding your son, I don't know if he's living at home or not, or if he's completely financially dependent on you and your husband. One way or another, a bipolar disorder does not necessarily mean that he cannot function on his own. Many people with these problems lead very self sufficient lives.

Please read the following, and follow the guidelines you find: tough love and healthy anger And, regarding your marriage, the following page will be helpful to you: relationship advice.

The bottom line here is that you need to focus on yourself and your own well being. You cannot fix or change your husband or your son.

I hope this helps you. Believe in yourself, your inner wisdom and your good heart.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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