The Angry Duckling
I have a serious anger problem. It seems serious to me. And I have done a lot to reduce it or if possible, rid myself of it completely. I tried using music. I prayed a lot but it seems God doesn't want to answer this prayer.
When this heavily fueled kind of anger came, is not what I'm sure of. I suspect it started as I was becoming a teenager. I am sixteen years now. What I have come to realize is that whenever I explode, it doesn't end well. I never expect it to be so. After all what I do is wrong.
The main problem is that once the anger has reached its peak (which looks very easy to get to), it seems as if there's no going back. I shout here and there to whomever I please, in severe cases, I hit people, and at the moment I am not thinking right, it's like I am possessed.
Now, the deed has been done! I've come back to my senses and I feel really bad. I have severe headaches, my face is all red and I cry and hate myself more than I ever have. It's like I should go back in time and undo all or die trying. At that moment, I have a strong urge to die! Because, I have thrown a tantrum and disgraced myself (usually in front of my siblings and friends) and my parents.
And the worse part is that I never mean harm in the first place. And it hurts to say I'm sorry, no one's really interested in my apology and I feel even more stupid. This has destroyed the relationships that I have with many people, including my family.
My siblings say I am scary. And because this has happened countless times, no one trusts I can change. I have pushed many people away. I don't really have any friends. The few I have treat me as the friend they are only having so that my feelings are not hurt or something. My elders perceive me as rude. I don't really blame anybody. I blame myself!
You'd think by now, I'd have learnt a lesson and avoided mistakes. I've been beaten up many times! I should learn!
I wish I had someone to talk to, someone who wouldn't judge me. I would probably feel better. Did I mention I hate myself and my life? Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Olamide, and thanks for telling your story here. You are apparently a very bright person, from the story you've written here. You express yourself well, and you seemed to have given a lot of thought to yourself and your situation. I will try to help.
It may help you to know that I am familiar with the type of anger you describe. The techniques you will find described on this FAQ page
, as a matter of fact, will help you deal with the anger that takes you over and seems to have a life of its own. I encourage you to do all of the exercises, and if you do I think you will get some good results.
You may also consider this online anger management class
. It is designed for teenagers such as yourself, and I endorse it so highly that I am an affiliate with the parent company, A.J. Novick Group, Inc.
One way or another, I hope you will get the help you need, Olamide. You are worthy of a good life, and the anger you describe will, as you know, make you very unhappy. There is a story behind your anger, and if you do the above exercises I recommended, you will get to that story and heal the cause of your anger.
I wish you all the best in your healing and creating a good life for yourself.
If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation
to this site to support our mission to help you become your own best anger management resource.P.P.S.
If you got something of value here, we would also greatly appreciate it if you would click the "Like" button at the top left corner of this page.