Needing Help, And Fast

by Anonymous

I am 13 years old and I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was nine. My life is pretty bad because I hate living with my parents. They are so controlling and always in my business!

I like this guy at my church and he's 17. When my dad found out about it he freaked. It's almost like he doesn't want me to be happy. And my mom just agrees with whatever the heck he says. I fell like I just want to die. Please help me.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story on this site. I can imagine that it must feel really bad to you to hate living with your parents. And I get that you don't like how controlling they are, always being in your business.

Your life is very precious, and you are a very good person. I want to help you feel better about yourself and your life, so that you will want to live.

First, I highly recommend that you do the writing exercises you will find on this page. Start with the "Trauma Writing" and write about all of the bad stuff that has happened to you in the past. Then do the next step on that page, and journal from your anger and frustration on a daily basis. This will help you to sort out your emotions, and it will help you to think more clearly. Then go on to the "Goodfinding" part, where you focus on the good things in your life.

Next, I want to say some things to you about what you wrote. Obviously, I don't know you or your family very well, so I'm just going by what you've said here.

Here are some things to consider regarding your family:

1) Maybe they are too controlling and too much in your business--and maybe not. You are 13 years old, and they are supposed to be in your business to some extent. I know you are becoming more mature and independent, but you're not grown yet, and you still need your parents presence and guidance in your life.

2) Your dad is right to be concerned (I don't know how bad he "freaked"), about you and the 17 year old boy at your church. At your age, those four years difference are a big deal. Later, they won't be, but now they are, because you are still a minor, and he's about to become an adult--and already is, in terms of certain aspects of the law. For example, if the two of you were to become sexually involved, he could possibly be charged with statutory rape in some states (the laws about statutory rape vary from state to state). So, you see, your dad is right to be concerned.

3) It is great that your mom agrees with what your dad says (assuming he's not abusive to you, and you didn't say anything that would lead me to believe that he is abusive). You would be a lot worse off if they argued all of the time, especially where you are concerned.

You have a lot to be grateful for. You have parents who care about you, and who are involved in your life. A lot of kids would give anything to be in your situation, with parents who are involved and who care.

Again, I don't know the whole picture, but from what you've told me, it really looks like things are not so bad.

It is very important that you do the Goodfinding writing, so that you can start focusing on what is good, right and working in your life. This will help you, and it will make you want to live.

If you are suicidal, please call 911, or a suicide hotline in your area. Your life is precious, and you are good.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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