I Have An Alcoholic, Stealing, Homeless Son

by Becky
(Marinette, Wisconsin )



My 26 year old son is an alcoholic. Not the kind of kid that goes out and parties. He goes to work at a filthy grinding facility for very low pay. This is the only job he can get "because they don't do a piss test." After work he hits the liquor store and buys what he'll need for the night to get drunk enough to pass out. Alone. In his bedroom.

A couple years ago I talked him into going into a 28 day inpatient treatment program. He did great! He was most improved. Two weeks after he came home he was drinking again. So, according to the agreement we made while he was in treatment, I had to kick him out. He was homeless.

After a few weeks, my daughter, his little sister, took him in. They rent my husband's home from before we were married from us.

The last year has been a living nightmare for her. He passes out all over the house, then wets himself or vomits. All of her furniture is ruined.

In the last 6 months or so, he started stealing. He's come into our house, stolen our change jars, my husband's prescription, and lain on my bed and wet himself. Then he left, stealing my husband's bicycle.

He steals my daughter's money, food (he refuses to pitch in for groceries), he steals anything and everything. I'm wondering if he's added another drug to his addictions.

Tonight we had to evict him again. This time from my daughter's house.

I feel like a horrible mother knowing my son will be homeless in northern Wisconsin in wintertime. I cry a lot. I feel guilty. I do understand that it’s not my problem and that only he can change and that he learned about all the tools and resources to do so while he was in rehab. But I still feel just sick.

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Oct 31, 2015
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Hey it's Not Your Fault
by: Char in Rio Rancho, NM

I am a mother of a 26 year old son who is a homeless Heroin addict. He has also tested positive for Hep C. I like you have blamed myself for years for the way he has turned out to be.

I did not raise my son Kevin to be the person he became. I was never aware that he had started an addiction at 10 years old to prescription drugs like OxyContin, Hydrocodone, Percocet, and Vicodin. I never abused those drugs or had any of them in my home when he was growing up.

What I did not realize is that his best friend Matt back then had a mom who was a nurse at OU. Back then we lived in Oklahoma City, OK. Kevin hid his addiction and did really well in school until he was 16 then he was abusing steroids because he was body building. Then it was Heroin. I like you had to kick him out when he turned 18.

He never finished high school or got a job. Now he has been in & out of Oklahoma County. I have lost so much $ helping him. I have also given up my place to live a couple of times so he would have a place to stay & not be homeless but he would never get a job or get off Heroin. I know for a while he was selling & he was doing it out of my home & that was the last straw for me. All I was doing was enabling him.

So for me I had to totally move away & come back home to New Mexico. I moved back this summer & this is how I have moved forward. He's a grown man & so is your son & they both need to snap out of it if they want to live a normal life. I was told by family & friends that by the time they’re 30 they will get it.

Oct 30, 2015
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Belief Beyond Belief
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Becky. This is such a very sad situation for you and your family. I know you care deeply for your son, and to see him self destructing right before your eyes must be just excruciating.

Of course you feel bad doing what you have to do. It's still the right thing. In my experience, the only chance your son has is to be on his own, where he is no longer hurting his family.

Of course, there are no guarantees that things will ever get better for him...but I encourage you to do a couple of things in that regard:

1) Let him go, in your heart and mind. In your own mind and heart, give him your full permission to live as he chooses. This is not easy, but it is actually an act of love. Learn more about letting go of a relationship.

2) Every time you think of him, choose to see him doing well, in your mind's eye. This is a way of keeping faith in him in spite of all that's happened. Think of it as a kind of positive prayer, if that works for you. This will lower your stress, hopefully, and it may actually help him also.

I hope this helps. My heart goes out to you in this difficult, painful time.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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