I Don't Want To Hurt My Son
My wife stays home all day with our 11 week old son while I work. On the few occasions that I watch our son alone I find myself getting very angry when I can't get him to stop crying.
I have had thoughts of covering his mouth and even as bad as throwing him against a wall to shut up. The worst part is as soon as my wife comes in and gets him from me he stops crying.
I love my son and never want to hurt him. I have had anger issues my whole life and I need help. I am the only one working so paying for something is out of the question. I don't make that much.Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Scott, and thanks for telling your story here. I'm really glad that you care enough about your son to reach out for help here. That tells me that you really mean it when you say you love your son and don't want to hurt him. I will try to help.
Your son is probably picking up on the anger inside you, which as you say, has been with you your whole life. That's not your fault or his, that's just the way it is for now.
I strongly encourage you to do all of the exercises described on this FAQ page
. These are powerful tools, but only if you use them seriously and consistently. This will help you determine the origins of your anger, give you a place to express it, and help you begin to shift your focus in a positive direction. And there are two powerful imagery processes that will also help you heal and manage your anger successfully.
I'm guessing that you have some emotional damage in your own past, based on your statement that you've had anger issues all of your life. I want you to consider that your son represents your own innocence and vulnerability from your childhood. When you were hurt, neglected and/or abandoned, you may have subconsciously blamed your innocence and vulnerability for the pain. So, now your subconscious is taking this out on your son with the thoughts of hurting him.
The exercises I linked to above will help you take care of this, Scott. You can do this. You can be the good man you want to be--because that is who you really are. The angry guy is just scar tissue from old wounds, and that can be healed.
Use the "See It, Don't Be It" tool to keep from hurting your son.
Believe in yourself, Scott. Believe in the good, loving father that you are inside.
My very best to you,