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History Repeating Itself

by Danni
(Winchester, Ohio)



Ever since I was little my mother has been extremely angry. She has even tried to murder my father right in front of me.

I myself have always had anger issues, but it's always just been just me and I never really payed attention to whether it could be harmful to me or anyone else.


Now I have a 3 month old son and a boyfriend who is his father and I love them both more than life itself and can't imagine my life without them. I get irritated extremely easily, and even if I feel a little rushed, or pressured or threatened I immediately defend myself saying I wouldn't do this if I wasn't rushed and try to blame whoever it is around me.

I let it get to the point I am so angry inside my chest actually hurts and I start throwing things, crying, scratching myself or biting myself...weird, I know. I always feel bad afterwards.

I always told myself I wouldn't be my mother since she didn't raise us. My grandmother did, who was a sweet understanding angel and my hero. So I saw the right and wrong way to act, and can't seem to understand why I still act like my mother.

I don't know if its hereditary or me being just selfish and dumb. My boyfriend, and my son deserve better from me.



Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Danni, and thanks for telling your story here. It's clear that you're a good person, or you would not be so concerned about how you're hurting the people you love. You have a significant amount of past trauma, but I think you can work with it and feel much better...and learn to handle your anger.

I think you can benefit from following the steps describe on this page. These are powerful processes, which will work well for you if you use them in a focused, consistent manner. The imagery processes in particular will help you to heal from the emotional trauma of seeing your mother attempt to murder your father. No child should have to go through that, but now that it has happened, you can heal.

To keep from being like your mother, I strongly encourage you to follow the steps described on this FAQ page. Letting go of a parent emotionally is not easy, but you can do it.

You are like your grandmother, which is why you prefer her. She showed you who you really are. Doing these exercises will help you to connect with your good inner nature.

I hope that this will stop you from hurting yourself and your loved ones, Danni. Your good heart is hurting, because it does not like the extreme anger and rage you're experiencing.

Believe in yourself and the goodness inside you, and make up your mind to be the person you choose to be.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission to help you become your own best anger management resource.

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May 23, 2016
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Breaking the Cycle is Hard
by: Heather

I struggle with trying to break the cycle of bad habits from my parents. My dad was never in my life and my mom was a prescription drug addict. Their behaviors towards me broke me as a child and have made it hard for me to know how to raise my own child.

I have found that time with God and counseling has helped me see patterns in my life that resembled their actions and work hard to change them. I've also been taking medications to help with my anxiety and temper.

Be kind to yourself and know that changing your "default" response takes time. You basically have to learn to react to things by thinking through your reaction first - which is not normal and is very hard.

I have found that it helps to post cards on the walls and cupboards of my home with quotes and verses that help me. When I have a moment of weakness or of total meltdown, I see them and they help me refocus. Even if I can't read them in their entirety, I've started to memorize which ones are where and they do help my mind to click out of default.

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