Angry Single Mom

by Arabel
(Philippines)

I'm 24 years old, a single mom and I have a 5 year old son. I have a boyfriend & we are engaged. My boyfriend supports us financially but we are not living together.

However, I want to end my relationship with him because I'm afraid that he might ignore my child one day if I bore a child with him. Because nowadays, I've noticed a great change in him on how he is treating my son. Often, my friends tell me that he doesn't care about my child's welfare if I am not around.



My parents like my boyfriend so much for being supportive to me & they are already planning for our wedding. These past months, I think I am getting paranoid & at night, I can't sleep well.

I really want to dump my boyfriend, thinking that he would soon show his true color on my son. The effect of this was, my son has been affected with my mood. I yell & shout at him, and spank him for his little mistakes.

I feel that I became so cruel, and that's why I end up crying for what I've done to him at night. Please help me.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Arabel, and thanks for telling your story here. I can see that you are very conflicted about what to do. I will try to help.

The first question I would ask you is, "What do you want?" You said you really want to dump your boyfriend, and if that's what you really want, then that's what you need to do. Nobody, even your parents, have the right to tell you who to marry.

If you don't trust your boyfriend to provide good care for your son, that's important, and something not to be ignored.

What seems to be missing is your trust and belief in yourself and your own feelings. I encourage you to value how you really feel inside, and what you really want. The journaling processes on this page will help you sort out your thoughts and feelings.

Meanwhile, you need to make sure your son is safe from your anger. The journaling processes will help with your anger control on a daily basis, until the control becomes automatic.

You can also use this two part imagery process for positive mental rehearsal. Use these techniques each morning, to picture yourself being patient, kind and caring toward your son.

You must put yourself and your son first, Arabel, before your boyfriend and your parents. I wonder, do you love him as much as your parents do? It seems they are more interested in the two of you being married than you are.

You have to be true to yourself and your good heart. Nothing will work for you otherwise.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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