Anger With A Helper At Home

by JK
(Singapore)

I feel angry with the helper at home when she does not take the best possible care of the children. She sometimes delays feeding them when I am not around. Second, she wants her own priority well-taken care of above the children and keeps taunting the children with remarks that make them angry.

She repeatedly does things her way even when I have told her my preference. For example, I ask her to put the bread in the fridge after a day, and I will find it moldy quite a number of times on the kitchen top.



I am not sure how to deal with this because I have to constantly face her and rely on her help and it is not easy to change. I can't do the housework myself or get part-time help at this point in time. I am not sure how to deal with my daily anger which festers in me and brings my pressure up everyday. By the way I am on medication for high blood pressure.




Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello JK, and thanks for telling your story here. I suggest you start by getting your anger out on a daily basis, where you can be more objective about it. Use the journaling process on this page as a guideline.

Then do the positive journaling on the same page, to be sure you're looking at the good things in yourself, your family and your helper.

Having done all of that, it should be clear to you whether you need to go through the process of replacing your helper. I hear you, that it's tough to do that, but if your children's well being is at stake, then you may need to.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission to help you become your own best anger management resource.

P.P.S. If you got something of value here, we would also greatly appreciate it if you would click the "Like" button at the top left corner of this page.

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Jun 19, 2010
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Helper is No Help at All
by: Anonymous

In my opinion, you can never be too cautious when it comes to your children. I realize that no one can ever love a child as unconditionally as a parent, but an adult/caregiver who "taunts" a child is dangerous to that child's emotional and psychological health. She also has control issues by continuing to do things "her way" even after you ask her to do it differently - she is showing you who has the power (she probably feels this job is demeaning to her). I would go with your intuition, your "gut" feeling. This is not the right person to care for your children in your absence. If you need "proof", set up a nanny-cam.

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