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Now Available! Dr. DeFoore's New Book GOODFINDING

Where Does The Anger Start?

by Brian
(Riverside, CA)

Dear Dr. DeFoore

I will try to detail my situation to help you understand. I go from peaceful and content to aggressively angry and shouting in a matter of seconds, that's how my day seems to develop and without warning.

Maybe the warnings are there but nothing I am prepared to detect or intercept. Something as simple as asking to make the detour to the bank before going home can trigger the unecessary outburst of anger. Any attempt at reasoning with me from that point on is out of the question, or at least for the next 10-15 minutes.

I feel really bad about my actions later but the damage has been done and all I can do is apologize. That's why I am asking for help now. I am a student who is not able to pay for professional counseling so that is why I am looking for help in other areas that may provide answers to my anger problem.

I have considered myself to be much improved for a couple of weeks then much to my regret I fall back to the same old reaction when the stress level is up and my resolve is down. I realize that I need serious help and I am ready to take the course of actions that will end this lack of control on my part.

Thank you for taking this time to help me and consider me for a counseling session.



Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Brian, and thanks for telling your story here. I think you will find some good help here. I will provide you with some tools, and it is up to you to use them. If you do, I believe you will benefit.

In answer to your question, the anger starts with your internal vulnerability. Anger comes when you feel threatened in any way, and it is because of your sensitive, good heart that you (like the rest of us) feel threatened.

Now for the healing.

Start by doing all three journaling process described on this page. Do not skip any part. This is the foundation of your change and healing process.

You will get a free Ebook when you sign up for our free Healing Anger newsletter, and that will offer you even more support.

If you find you need even more help with your anger, consider signing up for these online anger management classes.

Above all, believe in your good heart, Brian. That is where your healing comes from, and that is who you really are. Doing the above exercises will help you connect with your innate goodness more consistently.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission to help you become your own best anger management resource.

P.P.S. If you got something of value here, we would also greatly appreciate it if you would click the "Like" button at the top left corner of this page.

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Oct 24, 2015
Time To Let Go
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for your story. It's been a long road for you, and I'm glad you're at this point, where the abuse can stop.

It's time to let go and move on with your life. Read this page on letting go of a relationship, and you'll find the guidance you're looking for.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

Oct 23, 2015
My Wife's Anger Level Can Be Crippling
by: Anonymous

I've been married for nearly 10 years. Before that my wife and I dated for 5 years. During our courtship I noticed that she suffered with extreme anger issues towards me and anyone that disappointed her, even her own daughter.

There were times that this violent anger of hers would turn physical. Every time I mentioned that she needed help she would deny it and blame me for her outburst. Through the years I have withdrawn from her to simply protect myself from being verbally abused. Now we're facing divorce.

She refuses to take ownership of this issue and seek professional help. I have told her that she needs to get to the core of her hurt, but all she can say is that all men have let her down.

I feel sorry for my wife and many of her past relationships and family members including her daughter have told her the same thing - that it's her anger that drives those that care for her away. What can I do at this point?

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