Teenage Daughter's Anger
Hi Doctor DeFoore. I have 2 daughters, aged 17 and 12. The second one had ADD as a child and now she is doing fine.
The anger problem is regarding my first daughter. She is having anger problems right from her childhood. I just cannot give her any instructions or suggestions.
The very next moment she will flare up, thump the floor, throw things, yell and get very very emotional. She does calm down in about 2-3 hours or so. But this is going on almost 4 days a week. I simply cannot say anything to her, suggest or give any opinions about her dress, studies or career.
There have been complaints from her school that she is not doing well this year and that she is going down in her studies. She just loves arguing. She has an answer for everything. Can you please help me with this anger problem.
The only time when the two of us don't argue is when I say yes for everything she says.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for asking for help on this site. It is good that you want to improve your situation with your daughter. Her anger has worked for her to get her way, apparently. Your job is to do your best to establish some degree of healthy authority as long as she is still a minor in your home. Since she's 17, you just have a little more time before she's on her own.
First, I'd like you to shift your focus to your daughter's positive aspects. Spend some time every day journaling about her positive qualities and good attributes. This will help you remember who she really is, and why you love her. Love is the foundation for all good parenting.
You might want to check out Anger In Teens a program designed specifically for parents in your situation.
I think you can see that there is help for you here. Do not give up on your daughter or on your ability to resolve your situation. You can definitely make the necessary changes to bring emotional healing to your family.
Believe in yourself. Believe in your daughter. Trust her to make good decisions, regardless of what you see. She will feel this positive focus from you, and it will help her.
Feel free to write again if you have any questions.
My very best to you,
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