Someone Who Found Out What They Lost
(Kentucky, United States)
I dated a girl for a very long time who I am still currently dating. We dated for a very long time and since I was her first love she began to become confused about how she felt. We broke up and she started dating someone else. During this time she put up pictures of them and posted statuses on Facebook about how happy she was and how great her boyfriend was.
They eventually broke up because it turns out she wasn't happy the whole time her and this guy were dating. We hung out and started dating again. She told me she put some of those statuses on Facebook to make me jealous because I seemed happy without her and she wanted me to show some sign that it hurt and I still cared about her.
Well now she is a way better person than she was before. She values our relationship and is extremely sweet and nice to me, more than she was before. She wants to be with me this time, she said she has realized that she is not happy without me in her life and she wants me to trust her again because she said she is never letting go of something so special ever again.
I still feel anger and resentment that she broke up with me and dated this guy. I sat back the whole time, too hurt to date anyone. She was posting all these statuses on Facebook along with the pictures and it really hurt. I took her back without me ever dating anyone and I feel angry that it wasn't her that sat back watching ME date people, watching ME post statuses. And I feel like I want her to know just how it feels knowing I may be happy and that I'll never come back.
I know it's wrong, but I can't help how I'm angry about this, she doesn't know I feel this way, but I do and I feel I want some degree of payback or...well, you know, just for her to maybe feel this way? I really can't describe how much I want to flip the table because I feel angry that I sat back and watched her be free to date these people and still have me back when she was done dating.
She regrets the decision she made, but she's glad that it made her realize how much she really cares about me. We agreed to talk our problems out, but this is a problem that may only create more problems if we were to talk it out. I hope for feedback on this to maybe provide some measure of comfort and help me let go.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Dillon, and thanks for telling your story here. Congratulations for being mature enough not to bring this up to your girlfriend. I think you have acted in a very responsible manner through all of this, and you should feel good about that.
I know you are having these feelings of wanting to pay her back, and wanting her to feel like you did. I will try to help you with that.
I think the bottom line may be that you are not appreciating yourself as much as she appreciates you. You are a good person, and she is lucky to have you--and since you like her, apparently you feel lucky to have her.
Read the following page, and it will help you: healthy alternatives to getting revenge.
You will also find these self esteem CDs to be very helpful.
I hope this helps, Dillon.
My very best to you,