One Year Later Still Sad & Angry

by Zara
(NZ)

My darling man was paranoid about my previous life of promiscuity. But I knew I wouldn’t stray with him. I am loyal, and because I have dated many men, I knew I wasn’t missing anything.

However I harbored anger about these accusations he was making. Eventually my anger turned to bitterness. One time I was away and complaining about my partner to my mum. She said "You better be careful" and in that moment I had an epiphany.

When I returned home I apologized for not reassuring him and being so cold.

We had the most amazing month, until a friend called to say my partner had been sleeping with another woman while I was away. She had seduced him. I know that...but he had gone back to her place several times over two weeks.

Until I came back and apologized.

When I emailed this woman. She lied and said she hadn’t known about me. But my partner said she did.

He and I are still together and apart from my deep pain, we are very happy. He has watched me in this state of pain for over a year, and even cried with me. He apologized a thousand times. He has given up his addictions, which did make a huge difference to his own anger issues.

He sees how selfish the act was and he deeply regrets it.

I can’t get her out of my mind. I want her to suffer. I feel like she has gotten away with it.

I have also done the same thing as she did...many times I have turned men’s eyes from their partners when I was younger but I stopped that destructive behavior. Maybe I'm getting my karma.

I want to go see her. I want her to feel my pain. I would just talk, realistically...but I have been so humiliated. Since she was the one who told my friends,

I have been publicly humiliated, and lost friends because I have stayed with him. Other friends tell me I'm doing the right thing by staying with him and moving past this.

But her.... she is stuck in my mind on loop. I have cried and raged too long for a person on meds with a kidney transplant. Help me stop my mind going crazy with thoughts of this woman.

Sadness abounds.

Thanks in advance.