Now Available! Dr. DeFoore's New Book GOODFINDING
Authored by William G. DeFoore, Ph.D.
Getting even doesn't have to get you in trouble. You've already got some pain, stress and anger, or you wouldn't even be thinking about getting even. What you are looking for is a feeling of resolution.
Think about it. If you were to "get even," that would mean you would feel like things have been made right somehow.
So, what we're looking for is a way for you to feel right, without creating a new problem for yourself.
Our approach here is that you're a good person, and doing something really harmful to another person won't feel good to you in the long run.
I know, you want the other person to suffer like you have--maybe they already are.
That's a good question (even if I did think of it myself). I don't have the last word on this, but here are some thoughts to consider about causing pain for others:
Those are just some things to think about when it comes to getting even. Again...you've already got a problem, so you don't want to just add a new one.
Good question. Since we've decided it's a feeling you're going for, then let's figure out how to get that feeling without creating new problems for you.
There are two parts to getting even--the other person, and you. First let's take a look at the other person.
Whether you agree with the above viewpoints or not, give them a try. If you can believe just a little of this, it will help you with your anger and desire for getting even. You're not the grim reaper, and if you try to be, you'll only end up hurting yourself.
I think you're getting the idea here. Being the "avenger" can really backfire on you, and you don't want that. Follow the links and ideas above, and you'll be able to feel the sense of balance and "all is well" that you're looking for.
I think you'll also enjoy this article, Don't Get Even, Get Even Better!
And, here's a novel idea...how about forgiving instead of getting even? I know, you may not be anywhere near that possibility, but you can sure get closer by listening to this program on Love Anger and Forgiveness.
LOVE, ANGER AND FORGIVENESS:
Creating Joy and Healing in All of Your Relationships
Discover and learn to make the powerful journey from anger through forgiveness and back to love. Love is who you are at the core of your being, and there is always a deep yearning within you to return to your true nature.
These unique and dynamic anger management CDs will help you to understand the essence of love, anger and forgiveness in all of your relationships.
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