On The Edge
Hi, everyone. I'm 27 years old. I'm so very depressed and very fearful, I accept that now.
I have never had a boyfriend, I long for a deep connection right now, such a deep longing, but I don't know how to get it. I'm a lawyer, I loath my profession so much that I quit a law firm job.
I've tried making a way outside it and I'm not yet successful. I live with my parents, and all my siblings live out of the country. My father is 86, and has had alzheimers/dementia since 2004. I've made myself numb to his pain because it was unbearable. I feel I can't leave my mom alone with him and the servants, it's not fair to her to deal with this alone, it's very very difficult.
I am so moody. I get angry at my mom over nothing and the other day me and her had the worst argument, I believe of my life. I saw a part of me that I had no idea existed. At some point we were ready to attack each other physically!
This is not me...at all. I'm not the person who is confrontational especially with my own mother. I don't want to be one of those people who snap and do the worst things. I've seen that I can get completely out of control and have raw rage. Please, please help me.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Angel, and thanks for telling your story here. I know there is a lot more to your story than you've told here, but I'll do my best to help you with what I know.
I think you will not start feeling better until you begin finding positive things in your own life. Subconsciously, you're angry at your mother, even though consciously you know it's not her fault.
Find some time every day to focus on something positive for yourself. You don't have to live with your parents to help out...as a matter of fact, you may not be of much help as long as you feel like you do right now.
You have to take care of yourself before you can care for anyone else.
Read this page on relationships, and follow all of the advice you find there: relationship advice.
You might want to get a copy of this audio CD on nurturing your inner child, to learn to love and focus on yourself more.
You will be able to provide better care for your father and mother when you're in better shape yourself. First things first.
Leaving the law profession was a big step, and you may be feeling some grief and depression over that. See if you can find a way to use your skills and knowledge in a way that is meaningful and rewarding for you. If not, then just get a job where you can help people and earn an income, even if it's serving food or selling books at a bookstore. It's a step.
Believe in yourself, Angel. You can do this.
My very best to you,