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Not Sure What To Do - 19 Year Old Son Vs Single Mom

by MumAnon
(AUS)



I've always been a single parent. I have one son who is 19, and his dad lives in another country. They've never met.

I have white knuckled the last 19 years as a parent. I've put huge pressure on myself as the sole financial provider and I've been so determined to do a good job. I've worked hard, provided for my son and me, and tried to raise a good man.

But I've got it wrong in places. I've talked too much. Nagged. Reacted way too emotionally. I’ve gone over the top in wanting my son to do well. I've pushed him to do well at school, I've taken his setbacks and failures personally, I've stressed over everything.

The last few years have been really hard, because he's pushed back. We have had a lot of fights. And we've said mean things to one another, and he has taken it to the next level. He's been cruel, said horrible things, regularly swears at me, breaks things and he's even spat at me.

Initially our fights were about school. Now they're over going out, drinking, and his choice of friends. He's lately been hanging out with a group that do recreational drugs. And I just can't handle the fear that comes with that for me.

It came to a head a week ago when I gave him an ultimatum. He can't live here and do drugs, and he went nuts. He smashed things. Threatened me, and took my phone. I left and he called the police on himself, saying he was out of control and didn't know what he was going to do.

I feel like this call was a manipulation by him, though he's not a plotting mastermind. I just think his resentment over me is so strong that he took things to a crazy level. So the police arrested him. He spent a night in jail. He's now on bail, living with my parents, and showing no remorse whatsoever.

People are telling me he needs to be living his own life now, and I am heartbroken that it's gone like this. He has not spoken to me since this happened and I feel like I'm grieving. I'd love some advice.

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Jan 08, 2016
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You Already Know What To Do
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello - You've made the right decision telling your son that he can't live in your home and do drugs and be disrespectful to you.

Your friends are correct...he needs to be on his own, and things won't go well between the two of you until he is.

Focus on yourself, and let him go...as hard as that may be. Learn more about letting go of a relationship.

Believe in your son, and believe in yourself. Your job as parent is over, because he's no longer a child.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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