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My Wife Left Me For A 17 Year Old

by Anonymous

My wife and I were in love since she was 16. We did everything together still even setting aside time to go on dates. I worked hard to support her and loved her like there wasn't another woman on earth.

I told her daily how much I loved her and how beautiful she was. I helped cook meals when I got home from work, I helped clean, I cut the grass, shoveled the snow, I even sold my motorcycle to buy one she could learn on - then we both got bikes and would go on rides together.

We weren't rich but were comfortable and she only worked 1-2 days a week in a little salon built in her parents’ house. We never fought and barely argued - all our friends would tell us how they looked up to us for our example of a happy marriage.

Then a few years ago, a family moved nearby - a mother and her kids, the husband had left the family for his first cousin...We wanted to be helpful to them, helped them move, assemble furniture, etc. We would have them over for meals, video games, etc.

We all became good friends. The oldest daughter married a friend of ours. The son I was able to help get a school co-op job where I work, I'd pick him up from his bus stop, bring him to work, drive him home after. Let him store his snow machine in my garage...he was like our little brother.

After they lived nearby for a few years my wife was rarely in the mood for sex --which was never a problem before. We were always very active. I remember becoming aware of this 1 month before the horrible news.

First she always said she was too tired, not feeling good, it was too late (again, she only worked one or 2 days a week and I helped with all the chores). I was confused and disheartened. She also seemed to be on her cell a lot more frequently but it never registered to me as a problem -- I had always trusted her and never thought she would ever cheat.

Then she dropped the news when I got home from a rare 2 day road trip for work -- she had been cheating on me with my "little brother"! She had feelings for him for almost 9 months (while he was only 16!!) They had been sleeping together for over a month right after he turned 17 - she was 30 at the time.

I had just gotten in the door and I fell to the floor - weak and devastated. And yet I forgave them both. I went to him and he cried on my shoulder, apologizing and begging me to forgive him.

A month later, after fears of pregnancy (they never used protection) and stressful nights, I was starting to feel things would be fine. But then she didn't show up to meet me at her mom's house before a little getaway we had planned.

She finally responded to my call and said we had to talk...I knew why. Her brother drove me to my house (I was in no shape to do so), and she told me they had started sleeping together a week and a half ago.

My life went to hell. Moving her stuff out, watching her drive away in the car we bought together, taking her motorbike. I watched her leave with our beloved pet, and most of all my heart. All the time, she was apologizing and telling me she would always love me and never was upset or unhappy with me.

She left saying she needed a change and no longer felt like herself. Then the next week she asked for money for her cell phone, and a week after that, for a di.vorce. She even refused to sign off on the house title unless she got divorce papers…with her boyfriend shooting his mouth off in the background.

Her family fully supports and defends me and they still love me - they have nothing to do with my ex.

I was a mess. I was ruined. Stabbed in the back by the only woman I ever loved (in fact ever dated) and by a friend that I considered a brother. My first breakup was a divorce...the year that followed is a blur of sadness, anger, depression, rage, feelings of uselessness, loss of all pride and self-assurance...and I still hate them for that.

They broke me, then continued to step on the pieces just to make sure.

I finally went through with the divorce, 5 months later, but on my terms. It's been 2 years now and I'm recently in a relationship again.

But my thoughts lately often turn to revenge and I thought I was through that already. Lately it seems the urge is growing and I'm thankful they live 6 hours away.

I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. I went through the anger stage quite a while ago but it seems to have returned and I'm sometimes surprised by my degree of rage and desire for revenge. How do I get past it? I don't like it and I just want to forget about them and move on...please help me know what to do.

Thanks for did feel good to do this.

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Mar 17, 2015
The Power Of Shifting Your Focus
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I'm glad that it felt good to you to write it out.

What your wife did to you is wrong. Nothing will ever change that. It's just wrong. As a matter of fact, you might call it unforgivable. And that brings me to my recommendation.

As long as you allow your thoughts to remain on them, and what they did, your emotions will stay stirred up. Their actions are unforgivable, but that does not mean you have to be unforgiving for the rest of your life.

Forgiving is something you do for yourself, and it has nothing to do with letting your wife off the hook for what she did. In fact, you're not actually forgiving're just choosing to be a forgiving person.

So, as you can see here, you will be shifting your focus to yourself, and off of your wife and this boy she's with. You can find more help on this topic on our love and forgiveness page.

I hope this helps you. You're obviously a good man, and you are worthy of a good life free of resentment and anger over your wife's bad behavior.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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