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My Partner Focuses More On His Friend Than He Does On Me

by Karen

I have been in a relationship for over a year now. Initially I was living in another state and recently relocated to be with my partner, plus I needed to get back in city life from rural living.

Ever since I moved in with my partner, we have been having constant arguments. His perception of the relationship is completely different from mine. Firstly he is younger than me and from a rather conservative background. As such, when it comes to talking about future commitment plans, he always tells me that his parents will never agree. As such he will never marry me.

Secondly, I do not like his best friend. Every time he visits, I feel a change in my partner. For example, last Sunday we planned to go for a movie together and because of limited quality time which we spend in the week due to work commitments I told Sandeep to let it be my night with him. But then his best friend calls and decides to spend the night over at our place.

This really annoyed me a lot and I made a fuss about it. My partner got angry and he even said "I just want to break up with you". Before the movie started, during the movie and after the movie, his mind was totally with his best friend and I couldn't enjoy the movie by being just with him.

When we got home, he spent a few minutes talking to his best friend, then he came back to our room to be with me. In a few minutes, his best friend calls him and tells him that he was going home. My partner told me that was weird and I felt it too. Suddenly he just made the decision to leave, but after some persuasion by my partner he spent the night at our house.

Whenever my partner is with this guy, his attitude changes. He placed me on speaker phone in front of his best friend while talking to me yesterday and I felt really insulted. He then switched off his phone.

Why is it that he gives his friend more importance than me?

This friend is coming in between our relationship. Is there anything to do about this?

Also my partner tends to disrespect me through verbal abuses in front of his friends.

I really want to make this relationship work but don't know how to.

Please kindly advise.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Karen, and thanks for telling your story here. You are worthy of respect and kindness, as everyone is. It sounds like you are not feeling honored and respected in your relationship, and yet you really want it to work.

I highly recommend that you read the following page on relationships, and see if any of the information applies to you:

letting go of a relationship

Your focus needs to be on your own happiness and well being, Karen. You are responsible for that, and if your relationship does not support your well being, then you may have a decision to make.

Believe in yourself and your own worth and value, Karen. You are worthy.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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