My Husband Keeps Leaving For Drugs And Other Women After 5 Years
I met my husband when I was 14 years old in my home church. We never dated until we were older, in our 30's. After a whirlwind relationship of 7 months we were married 5 years ago.
I love him deeply and he says the same about me. We have a beautiful daughter together. For the last year he left me for weeks or months at a time and I always forgave him and took him back.
He says he has a problem lust for women and drugs. He says he is trying hard to fight these desires and he wants his family back. And his depression was so bad when we separated that he got on harder drugs.
So after 8 months of separation we tried again to reconcile while still living apart. After only a week he has disappeared again! I'm heartbroken, devastated, confused, hurt, and angry. What do I do? Do I divorce him, or help him because obviously he is lost.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Lorrie, and thanks for telling your story here. The thing you have to face is that as much as you love your husband, he has two very serious addictions. It sounds like sex and drug addiction. You cannot have a happy, healthy marriage with someone who is actively engaged in this type of addictive behavior. The addictions override the love and health of the relationship.
The only chance you have of a good marriage to your husband is if he voluntarily submits to long-term drug rehabilitation and gets into a sex addiction recovery program. If he does choose this, his recovery will be long and difficult, and he may or may not succeed.
You cannot help him, Lorrie. It is entirely up to him to get help. As long as you keep taking him back after his "leaving," he will get the message that his behavior is acceptable to you, and keep doing it.
Your health, happiness and personal well being have to become your top priority. If you put his needs above your own, you will get sick along with him.
If this decision is difficult for you, I suggest that you find an ALANON group near you, where you can tell your story and get some guidance from other women in your situation. Counseling will also help you. Learn about letting go of a relationship, and follow the guidelines you find on that page, which will help you further.
Believe in yourself, Lorrie. You are worthy of respect, loyalty and love in all of your relationships.
My very best to you,
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