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My Husband Gets In A Bad Mood And Won't Stop Raging

by Gilda

Hello. This morning was a tough morning. I woke up and was looking forward to a nice relaxing morning of working from home, and then my husband was in a bad mood. He doesn't like his job and gets in bad moods sometimes.

It has been better for the past month, but came back strong today. I thought his mood would blow over and I would blissfully work from home but it continued, and now I'm distracted and upset.

As he got ready to go to work, he continued to get more and more angry. He says things like, "I might as well end it all today instead of living another 40 years and dying of cancer." He knows it upsets me to hear that language but insists it is kind of a joke and just his sense of humor.

I didn't really respond to his comment this morning. Then he continued to talk about how much he hates his job. It is a familiar pattern, and as he talks, I am trying to stay in my own mind. I don't want to engage, because I can't say anything that is right at this moment.

Then, when I bring out my laptop and begin to work, he comes into the room where I am sitting and proceeds to rant for another 30 minutes (when he should be leaving) telling me that he wants to start his own business and why don't I want to start one with him.

I say this is not the time for this conversation and that I am afraid to go into business on our own. He doesn't care that I don't want to have the conversation and gets louder. He is standing by the door, points at me, curses, and even though I repeatedly ask him to sit, think about how we are having the conversation, he refuses and tells me I'm obfuscating.

He asks for more of my support in doing his work. In my mind I give him plenty. He says that he wants me to be his full time partner and anything less is worthless and he will do everything himself. This type of logic doesn't really make sense but we've been here enough for me to know that there is little I can say.

He isn't really listening to me at this point, and when I try to tell him that I don't want to have the conversation now, he goes on attack mode and tells me I'm just being a baby, among other things.

I feel powerless in these times. I feel a little afraid because his emotion is so intense and I feel scared and ashamed at how he talks to me. I don't know what to do to make it better.

I've asked him to go to therapy for about a year now, he has tried to set up appointments with four doctors but hasn't had any success. I go myself. I am afraid that this will not get better.

He recently bought a book about anger management and has been reading it which has helped a little, but I don't know what to do.

Thanks for your advice,


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Oct 27, 2017
by: Anonymous

Hi Gilda,

Do you have an update for us? Your situation is very familiar and I wonder how the last six months have been.

Mar 15, 2017
Try Teamwork With Your Husband
by: Anonymous

I'm no expert, but it sounds to me like your husband has some real intense feelings that may be being ignored by his best friend, "you" his wife.

You both need to sit down when both you and he are calm and try to put together an action plan that may alleviate his professional struggles.

He also needs to understand that what angers him controls him. If he repeats those words internally when he starts to have those feelings of anger flaring up he will learn to ground himself more, breathe, and take a step back from the situation.

He needs to understand from you that he is upsetting the household and making things only worse for himself. His spiritual happiness and physical happiness and mental happiness are all being compromised by the way he chooses to display his emotions.

Your husband is looking for your support. My guess is he feels stuck and trapped and is fighting his way out of those feelings through his outbursts. Work together as a team to change the course of direction for his unhappiness.

You will both be rewarded for it when happiness and a free spirit prevails. Best of luck to both of you.

Mar 14, 2017
It Might Be Time For Some Clear Communication
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Gilda - It sounds like things might be good some of the time with your husband. I hope so.

It would be good if you could tell him exactly what you do and do not want him to do, at a time when he's not upset. I got the impression from what you've written here that it might be hard for you to assert yourself powerfully in your marriage.

Practice these communication skills together, and see if that helps you to be clear and direct with your feelings and your needs.

I hope this helps, Gilda.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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