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My Husband And His Cousin's Daughter

by Anonymous

For the past three years, my husband and his cousin's adult daughter have become very close. It got to a stage where I felt like a visitor in my own home.

She would get picked up and dropped off at work and in the evenings she cooked and made sure she had everything organized and ready for my husband. If the 'niece' was not around, he would call and demand that she come to our house and they would sit and talk and have their own jokes and stories of which I was no part of until early hours of the morning.

They were always out on weekends and even catching up at lunch and flying interstate to attend family events together. If I asked to be picked up or dropped off at work as she was, I would be told that I made life difficult.

My husband would yell at me if I was not out the door on time and even leaving without me if I wasn't in the carpark when he arrived. I learned later that he would wait up to 45 mins for his niece in her carpark after work and they would go shopping together.

In February, I asked him to cut off all his ties with his niece as I was tired of feeling like an outsider and watching him treat someone else as his wife instead of me. I told him that I was sick of going to bed alone every night, waiting when he would come up and join me.

I was also tired of driving to family events alone while he and his niece and our children would drive there in his vehicle. They did that, but I later found out that they still secretly contacted each other through mutual friends giving each other presents and money.

So I told them both it would have to stop before I started exposing them to her husband and my children as well as their relatives and friends. Now the situation is where I am constantly walking on eggshells around my husband because his niece has spread lies about me being the one having affairs in my workplace and that I am using their situation to cover up for mine.

Every day he hears new stories from his niece and I get interrogated and blamed and I wonder who is this person who I thought knew me best? I am now at the very end of my wits and ready to walk out because I have had enough of the lies, the accusations, the anger, having to work out whether he is in a good mood or not and waiting to hear what else they have cooked up.

He has accused my friends of being part of my trysts and lying for me, and demanding they tell him the names of my lovers. My friendships to my friends have been badly affected. What is going on? Why is this happening? All I thought I was doing was asking him to keep someone out of his life.

Now he now is saying he is doing to me exactly what I was doing to him when I accused him of having an affair with his niece. Please help me.

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May 15, 2016
It's Time For You To Stand Your Ground
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I have a couple of suggestions for you. Consider them, and decide for yourself what is the best course of action. It's your marriage, and only you can ultimately decide what is best.

1) Confront your husband, not his niece. He's having an emotional affair, which can be as damaging as a sexual affair. His behavior is totally unacceptable.

2) You might want to consider telling him that his behavior toward you is unacceptable, and that it has to stop.

No one can be happy under these circumstances. From what you've described here, I would question whether your husband is truly committed to your marriage.

I hope you can find resolution for yourself. There are no easy answers for you. Decide what you really want for yourself, and make that your guiding force.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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