My 5 Year Old Has Anger Problems And It's Triggering My Anger
Hi all, I hope you can give me some tips on how to help me, my husband, and my son. He's now 5 years old and is in kindergarten.
The problem my child has is that he gets cranky very easily. Very easily. There are so many things he does not like versus what he likes.
When he's upset, he would stare angrily, bring his arm up as if he was going to hit, or kick, or try to do things that he knows would upset us or others, such as spit, move things around. He also lets out some disapproving sound. Not a scream, but just a short sound.
Another problem he has is he talks a lot, and is very active. He can stay in place to color the picture he likes, or do puzzle, or play games. Other than that, he does not stay still.
The problem I and my husband have is when my child shows anger, we get angry too. I think part of it is we have to deal with my son's anger so often within a day. If he gets angry one time after another, I just can't stay calm.
I think part of his anger was he was severely tongue tied and could not pronounce correctly a single word. Nobody could understand a word he said. But since he's had speech therapy 2 yeas ago, he now can speak clearly. The speech problem is solved, but the way he expresses his anger stays unchanged, and as I said, he gets angry a lot.
I still think my boy is not bad, and I think it's our responsibility as well. However, I just can't think of a way to solve his problem and our problem.
Please help. It's really stressful when my kid is not doing well in any way, social and school.
Thank you for your help.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Eliza, and thanks for telling your story here. I can tell you're having a really hard time with your son, and that it is causing your family a lot of frustration. These situations can be very trying, but rest assured you can resolve this, and help your son in the process.
I'm glad that you're willing to look at yours (and your husband's) responsibility in the situation. You two are the most significant influences in your son's life, and therefore you have the greatest power to help him.
I strongly encourage you to work on your own anger as you help your son. Please understand that your son is not causing your anger--you are 100% responsible for your emotional reactions.
The program that I think will help you the most is the one below entitled “Helping Your Children With Their Anger.” Check it out and listen to the free previews!
Try to see the best in your son. His anger and his behavior problems are there for a reason, and it's your responsibility to understand what those reasons are. And the answer is not that he's "a bad kid," or that there's just something wrong with him.
Believe the best of yourself, your son and your husband, and hold the vision of your family being healthy and happy as you progress. You can do this.
My very best to you,