My 20 Year Old Is Angry All The Time And Used To Do Drugs
My son is 20 years old. When he was 14, he moved in with his dad and got into some drugs. He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was about 6.
He always had an anger problem. When he turned 17 his dad kicked him out. He moved back in with me. Well, he started to get into some heavy drugs hanging out with real bad kids who are now in jail for murder. I went to my church for help and spoke to a policeman about the drugs he was doing and selling.
He told me I needed to call the police so they can arrest him so then I can get him help, so I did. He ended up in a program for a year which was in-house. He came out, lived with me until 19, and I had to kick him out of my house because of drugs and violence.
He was living with his grandma and now he has a 2 month old son. He got kicked out from his grandma's house. He told me that he changed and that he just needs a place o stay while he gets on his feet. He came back about 3 weeks ago.
I came home from work and there was 4 police cars at my house. A neighbor called the police because he said he was chasing my dog and got angry at the dog and threw a chair at the dog. The police saw the dog was ok so they left.
My son has been having uncontrolled rage towards his girlfriend who is 4 hours away. He says all the time he is going to get a gun and shoot her and then shoot himself. I got in a big fight with him last night I called the girlfriend and let her know what was going on.
He is in some crazy cult now cause he wrote in black all over the walls some things I can't understand and he was talking crazy. I'm scared to kick him out because he has no place to go and he said he will go to the woods and do drugs again if he leaves.
I am so mentally and physically tired. What should I do? Please help! Sorry for the long story.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Iris, and thanks for telling your story here. You have obviously worked very hard to help your son. I will try to help.
I have worked with many people in your situation over the years, Iris. For that reason, I have created a FAQ page that deals specifically with the challenges you face. I suggest you read that information, and follow all of the recommendations you find there.
You cannot allow his threats or your fears of what will happen if he moves out to control your choices. It has been my experience in these situations that things will not improve until he moves out. That is because he inherently wants his independence, and (wrongly) blames you for his dependence on you. You have to let go.
This page will also be helpful to you: letting go of a relationship.
The bottom line here, Iris, is that you have to put yourself and your own well being first, and let your son go. He will either make good choices or bad, and that is not under your control in any way, shape or form.
Believe in yourself, and focus on the very best of your son--have faith in him to sort things out in a good way. Whether he does or not, this is the best attitude for you.
My very best to you,
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