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Losing Trust In My Husband And Thinking About Getting Revenge

by Mayette
(Makati City Philippines)

I've been married for 14 years now. I thought all these years my husband was been faithful to me. I knew that in spite of my flaws and imperfections as wife. I believe that he loves me.

For 14 years of marriage though we are struggling financially. He never heard anything from me. I was the one who found means on how we can survive the financial status of the family, being the regular employee and he as a contractual driver. He never had a permanent job so most of the years we've been together I was the one who supported the family financially.

Last year when he was in his previous company, I was wondering why he has to be resigned. His contract was not yet ended and actually he was just signed another extension so I was just wondering what was the problem--although I already heard some hearsay that there are issues of "relationships". But I just simply ignored it.

Even last year I had a hint that "he has someone" in his work but no basis or actually no proof to my accusations. I even saw him talking to a girl over the phone but because I knew her as one of his co-workers, I didn’t doubt their regular conversation over the phone.

My husband used to tell me that this girl is just seeking advice to him, regarding her husband. The girl has a husband and kid too. He ended up his work last June and transferred to another company. So I just shut my mouth. Didn’t ask about it. It was just all in my heart and mind.

Then this time in his new job, I found out that he has a text mate. I even confronted the girl and she told me that they have no affairs.

But after that, after giving birth to my baby this year, after a month of giving birth, the girl had called over my phone and telling me that she is pregnant to my husband. It happened during New Years Eve. They made sex together that night and was followed twice.

Now I unintentionally asked about last year about the girl over the phone and he confirmed it. He admitted that they had an affair too. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. What I had in mind is that he betrayed me. He cheated me. He lied to me.

I don’t which one most affected me, the one who has the affection or the one who is lust only. But he gets her pregnant.

How will I ever cope with this situation? How will I ever forget. We are still together till now. But the trust I believe already lost. He's making an effort showing he regrets everything he did.

But how about me? It’s killing me softly every day. I need somebody to advise me.

I never thought even in my wildest dreams that he would cheat on me. That he would do things to lose my trust in him. Please help me to recover from this.

I want to make revenge. I am really angry. I even want both of them hurt physically. I want to ruin their life too. I’m already out of my mind now.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Mayette, and thanks for telling your story here. You have every reason to be angry, because of what has happened. But let's make sure you don't make your situation worse by doing something destructive. You've already been hurt enough, please don't do anything violent that will increase your pain.

First, read this page which will give you healthy alternatives to getting revenge. You will find lots of recommendations on that page for steps you can take to start feeling better, so that you can make good decisions about what to do.

I also suggest that you read this page on relationships:

letting go of a relationship

Make up your mind to heal yourself emotionally, and take the steps to create a good life for yourself. I hope your husband will be faithful to you, and you can learn to trust him again. Otherwise, you will have to decide what you need to do about your marriage, as difficult as that may be.

Believe in yourself, and your own inner wisdom, Mayette. You can do this, and move ahead with the best decisions.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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